Second chances

"Opportunity rarely knocks on your door. Knock rather on opportunity’s door if you ardently wish to enter. "
~B. C. Forbes

Several of you already know this. A few weeks ago, Jimmy and I were building a fence. On our second trip to Lowes, Jimmy says, "It would be nice to have a kid to do this, and I could sit back and watch." He also asked if I'd talked to Dr. M about babies lately. I told him the only thing that is known about Nplate and pregnancy; that in rats and bunnies there were negative effects seen to the fetus at 11 times to 13 times the recommended dose. I am at 3 tenths (or .3 or 3/10 for all you elementary math teachers) of the recommended dosage.

I shot Dr. Metjian an email and we had a few phone discussions. Since my platelets are at a safe level and I'm managing well with the Nplate, the biggest risk is there have never been any pregnant women on this medication before. We don't know what it does in humans. However, I have been a guinea pig for a lot of things...why not try something when it could lead me to what I want the most? I do feel at peace about this. And it's something we didn't think we'd have the chance to do.

We're in the middle of a two week wait right now...Even though I have a check up at Duke tomorrow, it would be too early to tell anything. Hopefully we will know something by the end of next week!

Other people's blogs...

I was thinking today about how I haven't done much blogging, but I have been reading a lot of other people's blogs. I wanted to share a few favorites:

Living the Dream
This is a blog written by my former college roommate. She is an English teacher and really has a way with words. She's doing a "Slice of Life" challenge right now, therefore blogging everyday, and I'm so glad! This means more to read!

Pink is My Signature Color
One of the sweetest girls I went to high school with. We were never close friends, but had a class or two together and now, of course, are aquainted through Twitter and Facebook.

Two Schnauzers and Some Hope
If any of you are TTC or having fertility issues, I highly recommend this blog. Adrian takes you through her journey and I eagerly await each post about Baby Aniston!

Peace Among Pieces
I was reading Kelly's blog last night and just started crying. The way she talks about prayer and her relationship with God is just amazing to me.

And, as always, the "celebrity" blogs of people I don't know:

Dooce
Hilarious. I have both of her books. I'm afraid to read to Jimmy from It Sucked and then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Meltdown, and a Much Needed Margarita" because he may rethink this whole baby thing. I want her to sell her photography.

The Pioneer Woman
I read this blog for the recipes like men read Playboy for the articles. I sometimes think she's wayyyyy too cutesy and over the top, but somehow I can't help but read her "Confessions" section when I'm checking for new recipes. I have her cookbook. I'm not going to buy Black Heels to Tractor Wheels, because most of it is on her website.

These are my 6 "go-to" or "excited to see when they've updated" sites. Enjoy!

A post that will make my mother angry.

Not that this post has anything directly to do with her (Hi Mom!), but I know she will get her feathers ruffled.

In February 2009, I got "diagnosed" with high blood pressure. I didn't really understand why, because I was heavier in college than I was then, but I am also under much more stress than I was then. My biological father has issues with his blood pressure, too, so I thought maybe my genetics were coming back to bite me. And anytime I've not taken the prescribed medication, lisinopril, my blood pressure is really high when I check it.

Last week, we had some conversations with Dr. M and as a result, I went off my birth control and other medications--blood pressure and anti-anxiety. Today when they checked my blood pressure, it was totally normal, 123/85, a week after having no blood pressure medication whatsoever.

Which made me wonder.

Is the birth control causing my high blood pressure?! As high as my numbers could get (I think one of the highest was like 150some over 100), you would think without any medication my blood pressure would be sky high. But this was also a week after having no birth control pills. I don't have a medical degree, but I'm seeing an obvious link. Why wouldn't my gynecologist have thought about this when seeing my lists of medications? Why didn't the general health nurse practitioner think about birth control before writing me a prescription?

I mean really, who doesn't need a 2 month blog vacation?

I didn't realize how long it'd been since I last ITP blogged. We've had a lot of ups and downs over the past month, in Platelet-ville. December was pretty boring. However, January came in like a lion and has gone out like a lamb...I'm just thankful it's over.

On January 2nd, I received a phone call from my principal, alerting me about a death in our school family. I had originally planned on spending the night with Mom (we were in the mountains) and driving with her to Duke, then her coming home with me to get her truck (she was kind enough to give us her washer and dryer and we had to use her truck to haul it). However, I couldn't imagine not being with my students. Jimmy and I were actually in Hendersonville when I received the call. So, I rode home with him that night, getting home about 2 AM. I went to school for half a day, then left and went to Duke. I met Mom there and traded vehicles.

On January 10th, they were calling for heavy snow and wintry mix in Durham. I went up on Sunday and spent the night in a hotel--the first time I'd ever spent the night in a hotel alone. It was an experience. There was absolutely NO SNOW or bad weather in Durham the next morning, nor did I see any until I got close to Trenton.

January 17th--OH WAIT! Martin Luther King Day...The clinic was closed, but chose not to tell anyone--not me, not my doctor, not on their website. Jimmy and I drove all that way. We brought Pat home for the night with us, since I would have to go back the next day. When I went back on Tuesday, I had a platelet count of 427,000. Which meant I had too many platelets to get the Nplate, according to protocol. So I drove all that way for nothing.

January 24--My doctor had gotten good and irritated about me having to come up for no reason/clinic being closed the week before, so he started hardcore looking for alternative ways of delivering the medicine. My counts had dropped back down to 5, and I got the medicine. At the end of that week, we were able to get in contact with an office in Jacksonville who was authorized to give Nplate.

January 31st--After 14 weeks, I finally had a Duke free Monday! I went to the clinic in Jacksonville and they took my blood and gave me the injection in less than 30 minutes. What used to take 9 hours took an hour and a half, round trip. I am really disappointed I didn't get to have lunch with Erin today, but there's always Valentine's Day :)

Another Monday, another trip to Durham

Today was my 4th treatment.  Not that the 4th treatment is significant, but this was the first trip by myself and didn't have anything to crochet while I was waiting.  I happened to be between projects.  It may not seem like this is such a big deal, and I do love to read, but you have to understand the dynamics of a day at Duke and the Duke Treatment Room Waiting Room.

I arrive and check in for labs about 10.  After I sit down, I usually have less than 10 minutes to wait for my labs to be drawn.  I could pick up a book then, but would just have to put it down again, and I am always on alert for my name to be called.  After labs are drawn, I go down the hall and check into the treatment room waiting room.  The wait time here can be 1-2 hours or more.  I have to wait on my labs to get back and from those results my doctor determines whether the Nplate dosage needs to be increased.  There are people constantly in and out and any one of those people could be Dr. M with my counts.  Pagers go off, people are talking on cell phones, and Rachael Ray is cooking something or the women of The View are talking.  It's a very distracting environment and not conducive to reading!  When I've taken my crochet, it gives me something to do instead of just sit.  You can only play Angry Birds for so long and no one wants to sit and stare into space.  Then you're that weird person staring at everyone.  Needless to say, I have fresh yarn and a fresh pattern to begin!  And I got yarn for a project that has to be finished by March 11.  Very excited about that--these colors sat in the bin and YELLED at me to get them.

And so many people have been so kind and offered to go with me and I truly appreciate it, but I'm not ready for that yet.  That may sound odd to everyone but my parents.  I really do try to....not downplay the ITP, but not make it the driving force in my life.  I'm having to take a lot of time out of work, and part of me feels like if more people take time off work, it makes this a much bigger deal than it is--and this is maintenance therapy.  An emergency is different--I need/want support when I'm having urgent issues, because my urgent issues are a big deal.

Despite having a blog, my ITP is something I tend to keep close.  I think what I like most about the blog is I can just write.  I don't feel like anyone's going to feel sorry for me or pity me.  I don't like telling the same story forty-eleven times, so it's much easier on me than the phone.  If charted, my ITP history would look like a roller coaster with its good things and bad things.  Early on, I discovered how frustrating it is to have good news one day, bad news the next, and it's exhausting to relay all that to people.  My counts today were 244,000--in the normal range--YAY!--with the Nplate being the only medication.  This is really encouraging.  My dosage is going to stay the same for now, unless we see something different.

Double-Sided Post

Okay, the good news:  I went to see a new gynecologist today at Duke about the irregular bleeding that's been going on since the end of August.  She was awesome.  I was in and out in less than an hour.  She said, "This definitely isn't an issue due to your ITP, but how you're taking your birth control."  So, she is switching my pill and how I take it, and we have a follow-up in 3 months.  I am so relieved that she was able to tell me what was going on and also wants to check up on me later, not just go on my merry way.

The other news...Last Monday I got counts done and they were back down in the dumps: < 5 and I was having symptoms: blood when I blew my nose and mouth sores.  Dr. M told me to get to Duke right away and he would go ahead and start me on the Nplate.  So we're back to plan A...Or whichever letter it is.  We'll just have to keep figuring it out as we go.  I took one dose of dexamethasone Tuesday and it helped clear up my symptoms and didn't cause bad side effects.  We'll keep on keeping on, and eventually get it all figured out.

Surprising yet wonderful news!

This weekend has gone by very quickly.  Saturday was pretty much a haze of sleep and food.  Dexamethasone withdrawals weren't as bad this time, as far as being moody, but boy was it rotten!  I couldn't get comfortable, was hungry, my stomach hurt but things didn't taste right, couldn't think right, and didn't want to talk to anyone because I didn't know what I would say.  Jimmy said it was a lot like I had a big hangover.  I personally wouldn't know. 

Sunday afternoon we headed up to Durham.  Jimmy drove, which I was very thankful for.  We checked into a hotel we've stayed in before, and caught dinner and a movie with Patrick.

This morning we got up and went to the clinic about 8:30.  I started getting really nervous.  They drew my blood around 9 and we sat.  FOR AN HOUR.  I went to the desk again, they called Dr. M, and he said he was still awaiting my counts.  He said we could go wander around and he'd call my cell when he got the numbers.  A few rounds of Angry Birds and a meal at Chick-Fil-A later (gotta love franchising within a hospital), Dr. M called and asked where we were.  He told us to stay in the cafeteria and he'd be right down.  Dr. M came into the cafe and hands me the test results.

241,000 PLATELETS.

More than I had on Friday....without any extra meds.

I'm sure the steroids were probably still working on my body, but still...241,000.

So where does this leave all our well-laid plans?  Dr. M is content to let me get counts at home next week and not have to come in.  We'll keep an eye on counts and symptoms, like we have been.  If I get below 20,000 and start having symptoms, we'll start the Nplate. I have an appointment December 1st with him, so I'll have to be back in a month.  But for now, I'm not going to have to do the Durham 500 once a week, and that's enough for me.

God does answer prayer.  I have no doubt of that and I am beyond grateful for all of the prayers, love, and thoughts everyone has offered our way.  With my experiences though, I know that His answers to those prayers are not always the ones we want to hear.  And I know things can go the other way at any time.  I feel very hopeful though, and excited to see what the future holds!