Rainbows

My father, the physics teacher, can tell you all about why rainbows happen. He tried to impart that knowledge upon me, but the C I earned in physics would be a testament that I didn't care about the science behind them.

Here's what I know about rainbows. I know the day Jimmy and I were told at Maternal-Fetal medicine we shouldn't get pregnant, there was a rainbow in the sky that evening. And I know that this evening, after a big decision was finalized, I saw another one. Even more promising was that I was on the way home from a friend's house who recently made some very similar decisions. Tonight I saw the love she has for her baby, even though a baby wasn't in her plans, and I saw how happy she was. After seeing the rainbow, I feel even more cemented in that I made the right decision. I asked God for a sign and He gives us what we need.

I feel like this brings us full circle. I feel like God was telling us last summer that better things were on the way, and now I feel like they are here. I am very excited to see what our future holds!

Random Thoughts

I've been kind of afraid to blog over the past few weeks. Jimmy and I are making some major decisions and I'm not sure how much I'm ready to share.

I'm not pregnant, yet. This is not unexpected, but I definitely got a taste of that hysterical pregnancy thing. We went to see Dr. M when I was about 5 days post ovulation and he says, "What makes you think you might pregnant?" I prefaced what I said with, "I may be a hypochondriac...." and rattled off a few things that had been different. He's like, "Yeah, it'd be way too early to tell any of that." And maybe it was my body trying to get used to not being on hormones. I thought maybe my body was rejecting a pregnancy because I started bleeding a week before I was supposed to. However, a friend who is extremely knowledgeable about biology explained that the period you have after you go off birth control is not always a "real" period, so this was probably me having a real period.

And I realize now how truly over analytical I can be. This month I'm excited to see what happens, but I've not gone overboard.

1 in 6 billion!

Yesterday my appointment was pretty basic. Dr. M reiterated that this is an unknown and we have to remember the worst case scenarios along with the best. The bottom line is that we don't know. No one has ever been on Nplate and pregnant before...or at least reported it to the Nplate pregnancy registry. And that puts me into the 1 in 6 billion range. Maybe we should buy lottery tickets when/if I get pregnant.

I realize that there are a lot of things that can go wrong in any pregnancy. I know many women who have had miscarriages. I know of a woman who had an unexplainable third trimester loss. There are any number of birth defects, syndromes, and disabilities that can occur. Even though I don't work with profoundly disabled children, I feel like I am exposed to these things more than the average person. Jimmy and I talked on the way home last night about the possibilities of an "imperfect" child and we believe we would be happy with whatever God gives us, and that God doesn't give you things you can't handle.

Another issue that we haven't really discussed is fertility. I know too many women who have had fertility problems to automatically assume that everyone gets pregnant when they want a baby. We'll cross that bridge if we come to it. Thanks to this summer, Jimmy and I do have an idea of how far we're willing to go down that road.

I also need to make a slight correction. Jimmy didn't just say, "I want to have a baby to dig post holes for us," and I immediately acquiesce. I had mentioned to him a while back that I was curious, if the Nplate continued to work well, if we could revisit the baby situation. And when he made that comment, we opened the discussion again.

I am really excited for this weekend--Prince in Greensboro! That will help break up the TWW! We'll have a lot of fun with Deven, Margo, and all our dogs!

Second chances

"Opportunity rarely knocks on your door. Knock rather on opportunity’s door if you ardently wish to enter. "
~B. C. Forbes

Several of you already know this. A few weeks ago, Jimmy and I were building a fence. On our second trip to Lowes, Jimmy says, "It would be nice to have a kid to do this, and I could sit back and watch." He also asked if I'd talked to Dr. M about babies lately. I told him the only thing that is known about Nplate and pregnancy; that in rats and bunnies there were negative effects seen to the fetus at 11 times to 13 times the recommended dose. I am at 3 tenths (or .3 or 3/10 for all you elementary math teachers) of the recommended dosage.

I shot Dr. Metjian an email and we had a few phone discussions. Since my platelets are at a safe level and I'm managing well with the Nplate, the biggest risk is there have never been any pregnant women on this medication before. We don't know what it does in humans. However, I have been a guinea pig for a lot of things...why not try something when it could lead me to what I want the most? I do feel at peace about this. And it's something we didn't think we'd have the chance to do.

We're in the middle of a two week wait right now...Even though I have a check up at Duke tomorrow, it would be too early to tell anything. Hopefully we will know something by the end of next week!

Other people's blogs...

I was thinking today about how I haven't done much blogging, but I have been reading a lot of other people's blogs. I wanted to share a few favorites:

Living the Dream
This is a blog written by my former college roommate. She is an English teacher and really has a way with words. She's doing a "Slice of Life" challenge right now, therefore blogging everyday, and I'm so glad! This means more to read!

Pink is My Signature Color
One of the sweetest girls I went to high school with. We were never close friends, but had a class or two together and now, of course, are aquainted through Twitter and Facebook.

Two Schnauzers and Some Hope
If any of you are TTC or having fertility issues, I highly recommend this blog. Adrian takes you through her journey and I eagerly await each post about Baby Aniston!

Peace Among Pieces
I was reading Kelly's blog last night and just started crying. The way she talks about prayer and her relationship with God is just amazing to me.

And, as always, the "celebrity" blogs of people I don't know:

Dooce
Hilarious. I have both of her books. I'm afraid to read to Jimmy from It Sucked and then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Meltdown, and a Much Needed Margarita" because he may rethink this whole baby thing. I want her to sell her photography.

The Pioneer Woman
I read this blog for the recipes like men read Playboy for the articles. I sometimes think she's wayyyyy too cutesy and over the top, but somehow I can't help but read her "Confessions" section when I'm checking for new recipes. I have her cookbook. I'm not going to buy Black Heels to Tractor Wheels, because most of it is on her website.

These are my 6 "go-to" or "excited to see when they've updated" sites. Enjoy!

A post that will make my mother angry.

Not that this post has anything directly to do with her (Hi Mom!), but I know she will get her feathers ruffled.

In February 2009, I got "diagnosed" with high blood pressure. I didn't really understand why, because I was heavier in college than I was then, but I am also under much more stress than I was then. My biological father has issues with his blood pressure, too, so I thought maybe my genetics were coming back to bite me. And anytime I've not taken the prescribed medication, lisinopril, my blood pressure is really high when I check it.

Last week, we had some conversations with Dr. M and as a result, I went off my birth control and other medications--blood pressure and anti-anxiety. Today when they checked my blood pressure, it was totally normal, 123/85, a week after having no blood pressure medication whatsoever.

Which made me wonder.

Is the birth control causing my high blood pressure?! As high as my numbers could get (I think one of the highest was like 150some over 100), you would think without any medication my blood pressure would be sky high. But this was also a week after having no birth control pills. I don't have a medical degree, but I'm seeing an obvious link. Why wouldn't my gynecologist have thought about this when seeing my lists of medications? Why didn't the general health nurse practitioner think about birth control before writing me a prescription?

I mean really, who doesn't need a 2 month blog vacation?

I didn't realize how long it'd been since I last ITP blogged. We've had a lot of ups and downs over the past month, in Platelet-ville. December was pretty boring. However, January came in like a lion and has gone out like a lamb...I'm just thankful it's over.

On January 2nd, I received a phone call from my principal, alerting me about a death in our school family. I had originally planned on spending the night with Mom (we were in the mountains) and driving with her to Duke, then her coming home with me to get her truck (she was kind enough to give us her washer and dryer and we had to use her truck to haul it). However, I couldn't imagine not being with my students. Jimmy and I were actually in Hendersonville when I received the call. So, I rode home with him that night, getting home about 2 AM. I went to school for half a day, then left and went to Duke. I met Mom there and traded vehicles.

On January 10th, they were calling for heavy snow and wintry mix in Durham. I went up on Sunday and spent the night in a hotel--the first time I'd ever spent the night in a hotel alone. It was an experience. There was absolutely NO SNOW or bad weather in Durham the next morning, nor did I see any until I got close to Trenton.

January 17th--OH WAIT! Martin Luther King Day...The clinic was closed, but chose not to tell anyone--not me, not my doctor, not on their website. Jimmy and I drove all that way. We brought Pat home for the night with us, since I would have to go back the next day. When I went back on Tuesday, I had a platelet count of 427,000. Which meant I had too many platelets to get the Nplate, according to protocol. So I drove all that way for nothing.

January 24--My doctor had gotten good and irritated about me having to come up for no reason/clinic being closed the week before, so he started hardcore looking for alternative ways of delivering the medicine. My counts had dropped back down to 5, and I got the medicine. At the end of that week, we were able to get in contact with an office in Jacksonville who was authorized to give Nplate.

January 31st--After 14 weeks, I finally had a Duke free Monday! I went to the clinic in Jacksonville and they took my blood and gave me the injection in less than 30 minutes. What used to take 9 hours took an hour and a half, round trip. I am really disappointed I didn't get to have lunch with Erin today, but there's always Valentine's Day :)