Last night after posting, I got kind of restless with the look of this blog and totally redid it. It's not about trying to get pregnant anymore. It's more about this ITP story. I think I will update the rest of my history at some point. We'll just see...
Today is a good day. The psychologist at Duke emailed me back and has some referrals. We'll take it from there!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Good Days, Bad Days
Yesterday was a good day. A really good day, and I'm still excited about yesterday.
Today was not such a good day. Something happened this morning that upset me and it has hung over the rest of the day like a rain cloud. Jimmy and I somehow slept extremely late this morning. Staying up til almost 3 probably had something to do with it, and was no help to my emotional state this morning/early afternoon. It's kind of been brewing, I've felt apathetic about quite a few things lately. I wish I had someone to talk to who could actually empathize and offer guidance. There are a ton of resources for infertility, but infertility is a different animal from what I'm dealing with. I still have the therapist's name from Duke and I've sent her an email requesting a referral to someone in this area. I do need to get my medication refilled, and I will do that first thing tomorrow. I have been trying to keep busy with sewing. It's helped some.
I do want to take a vacation, like another cruise, but I know deep-down that won't solve anything. All the issues are still going to exist and need to be dealt with. It kind of reminds me of the scene in The Sound of Music when Maria comes back to the Von Trapp estate and Liesl tells Maria there haven't been any telegrams, "But I'm learning to deal with it. I'll be glad when school starts." Maria replies, "You can't use school to escape your problems. You have to face them!" Thanks Maria.
Today was not such a good day. Something happened this morning that upset me and it has hung over the rest of the day like a rain cloud. Jimmy and I somehow slept extremely late this morning. Staying up til almost 3 probably had something to do with it, and was no help to my emotional state this morning/early afternoon. It's kind of been brewing, I've felt apathetic about quite a few things lately. I wish I had someone to talk to who could actually empathize and offer guidance. There are a ton of resources for infertility, but infertility is a different animal from what I'm dealing with. I still have the therapist's name from Duke and I've sent her an email requesting a referral to someone in this area. I do need to get my medication refilled, and I will do that first thing tomorrow. I have been trying to keep busy with sewing. It's helped some.
I do want to take a vacation, like another cruise, but I know deep-down that won't solve anything. All the issues are still going to exist and need to be dealt with. It kind of reminds me of the scene in The Sound of Music when Maria comes back to the Von Trapp estate and Liesl tells Maria there haven't been any telegrams, "But I'm learning to deal with it. I'll be glad when school starts." Maria replies, "You can't use school to escape your problems. You have to face them!" Thanks Maria.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Reproductive Endocrinology appointment
Yesterday we had an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist. This is a fancy term for a fertility specialist. Dr. Copland also has impressive credentials like Dr. James does. I think she's even been on TV, but I can't find the link. She is on WebMD. We made this appointment at the Dr. James appointment, but as the appointment grew closer over the weekend, I started really not wanting to go. I told Jimmy it would be a waste of time, but he still wanted to go to see what they would have to say. Dr. James had mentioned they would have more information about adoption.
Backing up a little bit, Jimmy and I have decided surrogacy is not for us. If the child could genetically be ours, we might consider it. If we really wanted to do it, I have no doubt we could put aside the money. But if the child wouldn't genetically be ours, why not just adopt a child who already exists and whose birth parents aren't able to take care of him/her, and make their life better? We don't need to create life in order to love it. For us, it's just not the right choice right now.
Arriving at the clinic, the registration desk hands me a pack of papers (any of you who have ever been to a fertility clinic know how thick this pack is), and informs me they need to be filled out. Stuttering, I try to tell the girl that we're just here for a consultation, but she shuts me down and hands me the packs. If I had known the doctor didn't need the papers before our appointment, I wouldn't have filled them out. The questions mostly centered around trying to get pregnant--cycles, previous tests, medications, etc. It was upsetting. I wanted to give the papers back and say, "You don't understand. We're here because I'm not allowed to do this." Instead I cried and got a nosebleed. Geeze.
30 minutes past our appointment time, when I was close to complaining to the registration desk, we were called back. The nurse apologized, saying she thought we were with the center's psychologist. Dr. Copland came in and I had to ask Jimmy to talk to her, because I knew I was going to be upset. Again. He explained what Dr. James had told us. I regained composure and was able to ask about the egg retrieval process and why it might be damaging. She explained how it worked and added that many women have some kind of bleeding with the process. We told her we weren't very interested using someone else's eggs. Jimmy asked her about the adoption information they might be able to give us. Dr. Copland said they didn't have anyone they "recommended," only names of agencies that had been recommended by patients who, for whatever reason, chose that route. She was very kind and printed out the information for us. She explained about a few different programs they had and said the clinic would be happy to help us if we ever wanted to use their services. During one of the times she was out of the room, Jimmy turned to me and said, "Write down this date." When I asked why, he said, "Because you were right." Great doctor, great facility...just not the path we want to take.
There is good news. After the appointment, we had lunch at PF Changs and really discussed what we want our next steps to be. We decided if we can't have our own biological children, we want to hold off on adoption or fostering. We do want to find a place with more land (still in the area we are now) and sell our house. Jimmy likes night shift a LOT better at his work and I love my school. We want to actually do Financial Peace University and stop talking about doing it. We want to get rid of a lot of "stuff" that just sits around our house and doesn't get used. I want to do more sewing and baking. We may want to foster dogs and small animals. I want to learn how to ride a horse.
We really appreciate all the prayers that have been sent up for us and all the kind words and thoughts. God does have a purpose for us, and plans to give us a hope and a future. If you're praying, please pray that we will know God's plans when they are revealed to us.
Backing up a little bit, Jimmy and I have decided surrogacy is not for us. If the child could genetically be ours, we might consider it. If we really wanted to do it, I have no doubt we could put aside the money. But if the child wouldn't genetically be ours, why not just adopt a child who already exists and whose birth parents aren't able to take care of him/her, and make their life better? We don't need to create life in order to love it. For us, it's just not the right choice right now.
Arriving at the clinic, the registration desk hands me a pack of papers (any of you who have ever been to a fertility clinic know how thick this pack is), and informs me they need to be filled out. Stuttering, I try to tell the girl that we're just here for a consultation, but she shuts me down and hands me the packs. If I had known the doctor didn't need the papers before our appointment, I wouldn't have filled them out. The questions mostly centered around trying to get pregnant--cycles, previous tests, medications, etc. It was upsetting. I wanted to give the papers back and say, "You don't understand. We're here because I'm not allowed to do this." Instead I cried and got a nosebleed. Geeze.
30 minutes past our appointment time, when I was close to complaining to the registration desk, we were called back. The nurse apologized, saying she thought we were with the center's psychologist. Dr. Copland came in and I had to ask Jimmy to talk to her, because I knew I was going to be upset. Again. He explained what Dr. James had told us. I regained composure and was able to ask about the egg retrieval process and why it might be damaging. She explained how it worked and added that many women have some kind of bleeding with the process. We told her we weren't very interested using someone else's eggs. Jimmy asked her about the adoption information they might be able to give us. Dr. Copland said they didn't have anyone they "recommended," only names of agencies that had been recommended by patients who, for whatever reason, chose that route. She was very kind and printed out the information for us. She explained about a few different programs they had and said the clinic would be happy to help us if we ever wanted to use their services. During one of the times she was out of the room, Jimmy turned to me and said, "Write down this date." When I asked why, he said, "Because you were right." Great doctor, great facility...just not the path we want to take.
There is good news. After the appointment, we had lunch at PF Changs and really discussed what we want our next steps to be. We decided if we can't have our own biological children, we want to hold off on adoption or fostering. We do want to find a place with more land (still in the area we are now) and sell our house. Jimmy likes night shift a LOT better at his work and I love my school. We want to actually do Financial Peace University and stop talking about doing it. We want to get rid of a lot of "stuff" that just sits around our house and doesn't get used. I want to do more sewing and baking. We may want to foster dogs and small animals. I want to learn how to ride a horse.
We really appreciate all the prayers that have been sent up for us and all the kind words and thoughts. God does have a purpose for us, and plans to give us a hope and a future. If you're praying, please pray that we will know God's plans when they are revealed to us.
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