Yesterday we had an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist. This is a fancy term for a fertility specialist. Dr. Copland also has impressive credentials like Dr. James does. I think she's even been on TV, but I can't find the link. She is on WebMD. We made this appointment at the Dr. James appointment, but as the appointment grew closer over the weekend, I started really not wanting to go. I told Jimmy it would be a waste of time, but he still wanted to go to see what they would have to say. Dr. James had mentioned they would have more information about adoption.
Backing up a little bit, Jimmy and I have decided surrogacy is not for us. If the child could genetically be ours, we might consider it. If we really wanted to do it, I have no doubt we could put aside the money. But if the child wouldn't genetically be ours, why not just adopt a child who already exists and whose birth parents aren't able to take care of him/her, and make their life better? We don't need to create life in order to love it. For us, it's just not the right choice right now.
Arriving at the clinic, the registration desk hands me a pack of papers (any of you who have ever been to a fertility clinic know how thick this pack is), and informs me they need to be filled out. Stuttering, I try to tell the girl that we're just here for a consultation, but she shuts me down and hands me the packs. If I had known the doctor didn't need the papers before our appointment, I wouldn't have filled them out. The questions mostly centered around trying to get pregnant--cycles, previous tests, medications, etc. It was upsetting. I wanted to give the papers back and say, "You don't understand. We're here because I'm not allowed to do this." Instead I cried and got a nosebleed. Geeze.
30 minutes past our appointment time, when I was close to complaining to the registration desk, we were called back. The nurse apologized, saying she thought we were with the center's psychologist. Dr. Copland came in and I had to ask Jimmy to talk to her, because I knew I was going to be upset. Again. He explained what Dr. James had told us. I regained composure and was able to ask about the egg retrieval process and why it might be damaging. She explained how it worked and added that many women have some kind of bleeding with the process. We told her we weren't very interested using someone else's eggs. Jimmy asked her about the adoption information they might be able to give us. Dr. Copland said they didn't have anyone they "recommended," only names of agencies that had been recommended by patients who, for whatever reason, chose that route. She was very kind and printed out the information for us. She explained about a few different programs they had and said the clinic would be happy to help us if we ever wanted to use their services. During one of the times she was out of the room, Jimmy turned to me and said, "Write down this date." When I asked why, he said, "Because you were right." Great doctor, great facility...just not the path we want to take.
There is good news. After the appointment, we had lunch at PF Changs and really discussed what we want our next steps to be. We decided if we can't have our own biological children, we want to hold off on adoption or fostering. We do want to find a place with more land (still in the area we are now) and sell our house. Jimmy likes night shift a LOT better at his work and I love my school. We want to actually do Financial Peace University and stop talking about doing it. We want to get rid of a lot of "stuff" that just sits around our house and doesn't get used. I want to do more sewing and baking. We may want to foster dogs and small animals. I want to learn how to ride a horse.
We really appreciate all the prayers that have been sent up for us and all the kind words and thoughts. God does have a purpose for us, and plans to give us a hope and a future. If you're praying, please pray that we will know God's plans when they are revealed to us.
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