+1 Week, 3 Days

This has been the most emotional week of my entire life. I'm sure I'll be writing our birth story at some point, but right now I feel like it is more important to update on our hospital status. The world of the NICU is a completely different one and hard to explain to anyone who hasn't been there. Your days are kind of liquid, and trying to keep people updated is impossible, because things change literally hour to hour. Please bear with me.

After James's birth his platelets were 80. Not too bad, but definitely something they were going to monitor. His low platelets would resolve themselves as my immunity left his body, which could take a few weeks, or with treatment. Saturday afternoon, they dropped to 32. He was ordered IVIG and a head ultrasound to make sure there was no bleeding. They also started him on antibiotics, something they do for most preemies for 48 hours. Sunday we found out there was a spot of old bleeding, something that must have occurred in the womb, and a band of something. The bleed they saw was only a 1 or 2 on a scale of 1-4, 4 being the most severe. Old bleeding didn't seem like such a big deal, especially if it wasn't considered severe. On Sunday and Monday, he kept breathing too quickly and we had to stop trying to bottle feed and he was just using the NG (nasogastric) tube. He has been on that ever since. They also began doing a TORCH screening, a multiple infection screening to ensure he didn't have any.

Tuesday he was very lethargic. His doctors called in Occupational and Physical Therapy to look at him because he didn't like to extend his limbs. He was definitely staying in the fetal position. He wouldn't extend them on his own and was very rigid when others tried to extend them. They also placed a PICC line, which is a heavy duty IV and much better than a regular IV--less sticks for the baby. He did begin digesting his food better and having less residuals (they would pull from the NG tube to see how much food was left from his previous feeding).

Tuesday night I called around 9 or 10 to check on him and his nurse said they were giving him platelets. I freaked out. She asked if I had talked to his providers and I said I hadn't, we had missed each other all day. She suggested we come in and talk to them. A quick tearful drive to the hospital later, we found out that some of his TORCH results had indicated he may have meningitis and they needed to do a spinal tap. He was given the platelets to increase his counts above 100 (they had been slowly rising from the IVIG and hadn't gone down) to do the spinal tap. All I'd ever heard about the procedure is how painful it can be. I asked them about that and they explained they did try to minimize pain by giving them some meds on a pacifier, morphine, and numbing the spot. Jimmy and I went to dinner and came back after the procedure to check on him. Thankfully, he was resting comfortably or heads would have rolled.

Wednesday he was still very lethargic and not much had changed. They still thought he had meningitis and amped up the antibiotic and antiviral treatments. They were ordering an MRI to fully look at his brain and an EEG because he was having some tic like movements. They also wanted to consult geneticists, infectious disease doctors, and neurologists. This was really scary for us.

Thursday James was feeling much better. He was acting a little more alert and was more responsive to the suggestions from PT to move his legs and arms. They did the MRI and 24 hour EEG. He looked like a little mummy with the bandages wrapped around his head. Guess what we are NOT going to be for Halloween... They also wanted to do another spinal tap because the first one had some contamination and genetics wants to test for a specific glucose transport issue. However, the spinal tap couldn't be done until he was completely off IV nutrition. He had been receiving some in addition to the NG tube feedings. They began weaning him off the IV nutrition Friday.

Friday was a great day for babies, but a bad day for parents. He was awake, alert, crying a bit, his platelets were continuing to increase...and he even got to see Santa! Jimmy had a sore throat and went to an urgent care to get a quick strep test. It was negative, but they gave him a Zpack and told him it would be better if he stayed away from the hospital for 24 hours. It was a REALLY rough day for him. We found out James has something called an Intraventricular Hemorrhage. It is common in preemies and really isn't related to his platelets. The ventricles are an open spot in the brain where cerebrospinal fluid is produced. What's in there should be clear, but his had blood in it. This was hard to understand because he was doing so much better. His doctor explained that effects of this kind of bleeding would not be seen immediately, but if it did happen, would show up in his developmental milestones. And he may not have any troubles. After we go home, they will still want to follow him through one of their special care clinics to ensure he's hitting milestones. To know that your child is sick with something you can't fix, something you can't see...I don't know how my parents did it without crying all the time. We also found out that the treatment for meningitis for him is a 21 day run of antibiotics. Thankfully we found out later that the 21 days started the day he was born.

Saturday thru Monday were kind of like vacation days. The hospital was on a skeleton crew, so no testing was done. We got to snuggle him and watch him practice opening his eyes. Due to swelling that most babies have around their eyes after birth and immaturity, he hadn't really done a lot of peeking around. He so made up for it and stared at Jimmy and me for long moments. He did get off of his IV nutrition. He got upgraded from the Intensive Care Nursery to the Transitional Care Nursery which means he needs less medical attention from the nurses and more learning how to go home attention! One of the doctors in rounds yesterday did mention something about an ultrasound today for his head to check on the bleeding, but apparently it was cancelled. I'm not sure why, but they usually check on those bleeds every 28 days, so he has some time before his next one. Maybe they got confused. He did get his second spinal tap today, but again was resting quietly when we came in after the procedure. We did begin bottle feeding and OT is going to work with us a lot on that. Little James doesn't realize that his mama has seen OT in action and knows it works, so I'm not going to let him be lazy! We have 11 more days of antibiotics, and I'm hoping and praying he can learn how to eat so when those are over, he will be ready to go home. He's done a great job today regulating his body temperature and not needing the heat lamps. PT was so impressed at how much more relaxed his arms and legs are. He will keep them extended without us making him and is so much more at ease in his movements.

I am amazed at how kind everyone is. We can call and talk to our baby's nurse at any time. We can talk to the doctors and nurse practitioners 24/7. If we get back to the hotel and have questions, we can call. The social workers hooked us up with Ronald McDonald house and when that wasn't the best fit for us (a post-partum, pumping Mama in a communal bathroom and no comfortable place to pump, walking up and down stairs) found us a medical rate at a hotel. There are family groups who offer support and information. It's also amazing how when I'm in the hospital, I can't remember any doctors' names, but when it's my baby I can almost tell you the name of every nurse, nurse practitioner, and doctor who's laid a hand on him.

AND THEY ALL SAY HOW CUTE HE IS! It must be true! Obviously he's Jimmy and mine's baby, and we are 100% biased that he's beautiful, but it is funny to hear from people who don't have to say it. We are so in love with him. I'm having a bit of a break because I've been at the hospital a good part of the day, and Jimmy is doing some kangaroo care with him. I love seeing them together.

I'll update as I can, but this is a summary and I've left out a lot of the changes that occur on the day-to-day. The important thing is that the danger seems to be over and he is working on things that all early babies work on.

-1 Day

Yesterday's counts were super high. in the 800s. This gives me a lot of room to drift down until tomorrow--even if my counts go down, it's doubtful they will be in the danger range. It looks like 2 goals will be met!

Jimmy and I hadn't done any baby shopping together, so I was really happy we were able to go do some shopping and looking together on Sunday. He's been working so hard lately. It was wonderful to see him get so excited. Since we knew the baby was going to be here for Christmas, we really wanted to pick out a special outfit. The only place that had preemie sizes was WalMart. We did find two really cute outfits and picked up a few more sleepers. The baby may only need that size for a couple weeks, but at least we'll be prepared. While we were shopping, I was seriously waddling. I felt like I was moving so slowly!

It's hard to believe that at the end of this week (because who knows how long labor will take), we will be a family of 3. I'm so glad Jimmy and I have made an effort to spend time together alone because we'll never have that time back. That doesn't mean anything bad against the baby, just that things will be different. We've wanted and waited for this a long time. When I think about last summer, being told to not have children and the mourning we went through, I'm still a little amazed we are at this point now. We'd pretty much accepted that adoption would be our route to parenthood. With all the trouble the ITP has been, it's been nothing short of a miracle that this baby has been as healthy as it has. I feel so thankful when I read on BabyCenter.com about the women who are dealing with bed rest, pre-term labor, pre-eclampisa, bleeding, etc. that I haven't had those issues.

And tomorrow, we go in to have OUR baby. It's not a cousin, not a niece, not a nephew, not a friend's, not someone else's....this is mine and Jimmy's baby! We get to take it home and love and and squeeze it and call it George! Or whatever else we might want to call it!

- 1 week

This weekend was really great. I had with dinner with some awesome friends Saturday, and Jimmy and I had one of our last date nights before baby on Sunday.

Monday was rough though. I had appointments at 11, 1:30, and 3. My OB appointment went well with Dr. S2 (still love her, she's wonderful at making me feel at ease about the decisions and does a great job answering my questions) and we finalized our plans for next week. I had a CBC done and they were so concerned about me getting there early so it could be sent out on the first run to the lab, so if I needed to be kept (if my count was lower than 50), I wouldn't be driving all that way home and then back for nothing. Remember this, because I DID MY PART. I went to the Hematology clinic at 1:30, but Dr. M was running a little late. My phone was dying at this point, and I still had to see the anesthesiologists for a consult. But! I needed my phone in case they call with my counts, because if they are low, they may need to keep me. So I went back to the parking deck, got my charger, and then used the fancy new corridor that connects Duke clinics to Duke hospital. This is a great addition and saves me a lot of time, but was not easy for the pregnant lady. I went up to L&D, to meet with the anesthesiologists. That takes about 20-30 minutes. I still hadn't heard anything about my counts. I'm thinking, "It's only 3:15, maybe they need more time, so I should stay just in case." I went to Starbucks, got a snack, and enjoyed it while charging my phone a bit. No phone call. At that point it's close to 4, and I just thought, "Forget it. They're not going to call at this point." So I left. And guess what! I never heard from anyone Monday night! When I got home, I was exhausted and the rest I got was honestly the best I'd had in 2 weeks. I think it was the relief of not having to stay, because I really was dreading a low count and having to be put in the hospital. 34 weeks is my goal, not 32+4.

Despite the rest, yesterday was a difficult day. I felt it coming on Monday, because I began being really irritable, but yesterday I was in a totally awful mood. I know the dex does this. I know pregnancy does this. The two together, well, ugh. Poor Jimmy was probably ready to smack me. Not only was I irritable and grumpy, but I just felt down and didn't really want to talk to anyone. I'm not looking for sympathy, just telling my story. It happens under these circumstances. But Dr. M did call me with my counts! They were 42. He was good with that, because the Nplate often takes 5-7 days to kick in, and he talked with OB, who was also good with the number. So we'll see where we are on Friday, and probably get an Nplate shot then. My second goal is to walk in to the hospital on Wednesday with triple digits.

Today, Jimmy told me to wake him up early so we could redo the bedroom. We're keeping Baby J in the pack and play in our room for the first few weeks, whenever we are able to come home, to make access easier. We cleaned and rearranged furniture. The room feels ready. The nursery still needs some final touches, but it's more organization and decoration. I didn't get all the things done I wanted, as far as the closets and moving things around, but it'll be dealt with. I'm not stressing over it. It'll happen.

This time next week, we will be sitting in L&D, getting ready to have our baby.

Despite having a blog, I am a pretty private person, at least until I'm ready to share things. Thankfully, we will not have many people at the hospital. I'm really excited that Mom, Dad, and Jackie will be there, as well as our siblings if they are able, and Baby J's godparents, if they are able. But this could take a long time and I don't want to feel like people are sitting there waiting on me. Things like that can totally stall labor as well. Dr. S2 said there is no real difference in labor time between now and an induction at term, but me being a first time mom it could take a few days. I'm also going to be able to have the birth experience I wanted, at least as far as induction methods go. Dr. S2 also said there wasn't a more significant chance of me having a c/s this early unless Baby J or I go into distress. Maybe genetics will play a part and they'll break my water, and I'll pop that sucker out in 4 hours. Who knows?!

We also will let people know when we're ready for other visitors. We just don't know how the baby's health will play out and honestly, will not be up to visiting with people until we are ready. Our focus is going to be on getting that sweet baby home! My goal for bringing Baby J home is Christmas. Dr. S2 estimated a NICU stay of 2 weeks, but reminded me every baby is different.

I have 3 goals:

• To deliver at 34 weeks and not before
• To go to the hospital with a count in 3 digits
• To bring Baby J home by Christmas

I guess writing all those goals for IEPs never really leaves your system. With the medical support Jimmy and I have, the best in the country as far as we're concerned, as well as all the prayers and thoughts of our families, friends, and even those we haven't met, I know that these things are achievable.

-2 Weeks

At least, that's what they tell me. When I called Monday to go over my glucose numbers, the nurse said, "Oh! And I have your induction date ready for you!" It took my breath away for a minute. We will go in on December 14th for them to check my counts and then they will begin the process if I don't need any kind of treatments.

Like I've been telling people, with me, it's always "plan" in quotation marks. I don't know where my counts will be on the 14th. And if my counts drop again, they may just want me to come in. The longer my counts can stay up, the longer my baby can cook. And I'm really, really shooting for the 34 week goal. I told Mom that if we ever thought we lived by numbers before (early on in my diagnosis), it was at a completely different level now. My counts on Monday were 101. Then it was like, "Okay, we're good until Thursday. What are they going to be on Thursday?" Thursday they were 56. 56 is okay. I called OB and they said they were good with that, but wanted me to come in a little early for counts on Monday at my appointment, in case they were low and I needed to be admitted. I can do that. Dr. M said he wanted me to try to get a shot of Nplate today. IVIG, despite the high price tag, only lasted for about a week and my counts weren't as high as they had been when we'd done dex and Nplate in the past. That's simply not cost effective in terms of time put in or insurance money. Luckily, the clinic had Nplate and I was able to get a shot today! I'm hoping it'll work really hard over the weekend and I'll have a decent count on Monday. I'll also use my nerdy data tracking chart to see if I can form a more concrete hypothesis.

As far as the gestational diabetes goes, I've been managing pretty well. I monitored for a week and after 3 days realized I did need to make some changes. However, my after dinner numbers continue to be high, but I take that reading about 8 hours after I take my dex. Dex takes a few hours to kick in. Obviously it's causing these higher numbers. Also, we eat leftovers, so when I eat for lunch the same thing I had for dinner the night before and have a discrepancy in the two after meal numbers, and the only difference is that I took medication, I think the correlation is obvious.

I've finally found the peace I needed for the decision to take the baby at 34 weeks. I was in major panic mode and very scared for about a week. On Sunday, I finally received the peace that I have needed so badly. Now I am able to be excited about our child joining us instead of completely freaked out. I know there may be challenges, but I am looking for the good things. Due to the steroids, hopefully breathing will not be an issue for the baby. Also, even though I have had complications due to ITP, I have not had any pregnancy scares--no bleeding, cramping, trips to L&D in the middle of the night (only when they want to observe me), strong and early movement...these things encourage me. I know that our child is a fighter. My prayer and the ONLY thing I really want for Christmas is to be able to bring the baby home. Snuggling on the couch with my husband and child would be the best holiday I could imagine. We may not have a tree, decorations, or gifts, but it really doesn't matter. We will have our family and our faith.

Nesting is not just called that because women are trying to get a "nest" ready. To include more bird metaphors, I feel like I'm taking a birdwalk every time I start nesting. I start doing one thing, then I see something else that can be done, and "Oh! I need to do that!" and it goes on for a couple of hours. It's kind of crazy. I have gotten some incredible deals in finishing up the last minute shopping. I found organic cotton changing pad covers at Marshall's for $6 apiece, half off retail. I bought several newborn sleepers, because the vast majority of the clothes we have were 0-3 months, and those will just be too big at first. I got in on a Babies R Us sale and got my diaper bag, flannel lap pads, and an extra mattress cover at great prices. I found the canvas covered baskets for $2 apiece at a local secondhand store, and they had enough for my changing table. I haven't gone too crazy looking for preemie stuff, because a)I'm trying to fatten this baby up and b)when I start to feel the urge, something inside of me says, "Wait," and that's good enough for me.

I'm going to miss being pregnant. Things are starting to get uncomfortable, but there really is nothing like feeling the baby move around inside of me. Jimmy hasn't been able to feel baby move a lot, due to the placenta position, but it's been amazing the times he has.

-3 + one day...approximately

Monday Appointments

Our ultrasound showed great things--the baby weighs about 3 pounds, 4 ounces, is practicing breathing, and is in the 21st percentile for weight. The Biophysical Profile Score was 8/8, which means the body movements, tone, breathing movements, and amniotic fluid are all normal. The doctor we saw was another Dr. S. We'll call her Dr. S2. I liked her because she had a quiet confidence and was really on top of things as far as knowing my history and my questions. I was glad that she let me know what the protocol was, in case I have another low count and won't have to deal with being in limbo again. Dr. S2 set me up with the nurses to figure out how to use my glucometer after our appointment. It was almost like being a celebrity--these are the nurses who answer the urgent question line, or for people who call in with low platelet counts--so we know each other's names and voices, but we finally got to see each other's faces! Kind of cool :) Taking my blood sugar doesn't bother me, it's the numbers that do. And because I feel like I only have GD due to the massive amounts of steroids I'm currently/have been on. I'm supposedly just monitoring this week, and not supposed to change my diet.

Around 1:30, we went over to the clinic and checked in. Amazingly enough, we got back into the treatment room quickly for the IVIG. Jen and Shane were actually at the Duke clinics too, and we got to see them for a few minutes while I was getting my IV put in! It took a while to get all my premeds in--the pharmacy was slow with my Zofran, and without Zofran life gets UGLY on IVIG. I think Mom and I have permanent memories of the last time I had IVIG without Zofran. Between the Zofran and the Benadryl, I got a really wonderful nap in. We didn't get to leave until just before 7. Dr. M came by and we began discussing what might happen if my counts were low, because on Friday they had dropped to 49 from 82 on Wednesday. This was why Jimmy thought I might need to be admitted. Dr. M starts talking "Defcon 5"--if my counts had dropped and the steroids and the IVIG weren't working, then...but then immediately said, "There's no point in wondering, let's just see what your numbers are." Thankfully, they were at 331k! I had actually dreamed the night before they were 339, so that was pretty funny.

The Twist

We spent another night in Rocky Mount and came home Tuesday. Jimmy had just left for work when my phone rang. It was Dr. S2! She let me know that she had been consulting with Dr. J (you may not remember, she is one of the foremost experts on ITP and pregnancy, but does mostly consultations, not deliveries or office visits so much) and Dr. M. After talking, they decided they were very concerned about the risk of placental abruption as time goes on in this pregnancy. It is not something they can predict and it has hearbreaking outcomes. Therefore, they would like to induce me at 34 weeks. She went on to reassure me, saying basically (I'm paraphrasing) that babies are almost 100% viable at that point, just as they would be at term. I asked if the risk truly increased so much that it was worth the trade off of an early birth and she said they truly felt it was. I told her that Jimmy and I trusted them implicitly to do what was the safest outcome for our baby and me, and if that's what they felt was the best, we would do whatever they said. I have my next appointment December 5th and we will finalize our plan then. The outline is they will probably admit to be sure my counts are where they need to be, then once that happens they will induce. I told Dr. S2 several times how thankful I was that she called me so I could get my mind wrapped around the idea of having a baby in 3 weeks, because I am someone who needs time to process things. Dr. M and I spoke today and he gave me basically the same information, but I was more capable of digesting it today. My sweet husband is going to be a rock for me the next few days. I am incredibly thankful because he says he is nervous and excited, but also seems more at peace, now that they have a plan to keep his wife and child as safe as possible.

34 weeks is December 15th. Before Christmas. Before New Year's. Totally unexpected. I had to pick my chin up off the floor and fight back that nervous laughter reflex when the words first came out of her mouth. I finally moved out of panic attack mode last night, began making my lists, and got a lot accomplished today. We don't need a lot, thanks to the generosity of our friends and families. I'm doing a lot of praying for peace and the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

This Week...-6-10

It's simple to explain what a chronic illness is. It's an illness that doesn't go away. What that short sentence doesn't include is the emotional impact of a chronic illness. When I was first diagnosed, it was really difficult for me to deal with people who meant well, and were just trying to help. Until you do the research on autoimmune diseases, they are not easy to understand. When people are throwing advice at you from every angle, it's overwhelming and it made me just shut down.

Someone told my mom, and I can't remember who, but paraphrasing, "Women go into survival mode when there is a crisis. They might break down after it's over, but they just want to get through it while it's happening." When there are serious things going on with my ITP, I typically just want to hide from everyone, get through a particular episode, then go back to regular life. It's hard to know when this feeling is going to come up, and it's not every time I have an issue. When it happens, I do become distant. The only people I really want to communicate with are my husband and parents. It's just too much to deal with more than that. I just feel emotionally depleted. Which in turn then makes me feel guilty for not being communicative. It just kind of sucks all the way around. Today though, I'm finally feeling better and more like my normal self. Except for the butt stuck under my ribcage, which is a very odd feeling.

This week has been one of those weeks. We did have a wonderful weekend in Rocky Mount and Jackie and Jennifer gave us a wonderful baby shower! It was great to see everyone and we got some very nice and sweet things. When we came back Monday, I had to get bloodwork done. My counts were 5k. Dr. M decided to bump up my steroids from the 12 mg/day to do a 40/40/20/20 pulse, and will keep me on 20 until next week. Also, he wanted to do a 4 day run of IVIG. Now, usually when I have a count like this, OB wants me in the hospital. He was trying to get in touch with them and never heard back. So we spent almost 24 hours waiting to hear from them and never heard. I tried calling the office directly Tuesday and they gave me the on-call pager number, "for my hematologist to call." I had a meltdown and Jimmy had to talk to Dr. M. I was so frustrated because this man has worked his tail off for us, and the OB people are just not as on top of things, until they want to be. On top of that, the office in Jacksonville would be able to administer the IVIG, but had to get prior approval from my insurance--IVIG costs more than liquid gold and has no shelf life. I just knew that as soon as Jacksonville called saying, "We got approval, we're ordering it," OB would call 10 minutes later, insisting I come up.

Thankfully, OB decided I didn't need to come up, since we were doing everything they would be doing in the hospital, and I'm pretty sure promises of bedrest were made until my count went into the safe zone. Jimmy made me promise that I would stay in bed or sitting as much as possible. Jacksonville called and they would be able to do 3 of my treatments this week, and then we will have to do the 4th one at Duke on Monday, because I have regularly scheduled OB appointments. My first treatment was yesterday, and it left me feeling pretty miserable. Thanks to the steroids, my counts had already gone up to 82. Jimmy also put me under strict orders to "not do anything" while he was at work. He has been driving me back and forth, but since there's not a lot he can do afterward, he has gone into work. Today was not as bad--they ran the meds a little more quickly and I came home and slept. Tomorrow we start very early--7:30--as the clinic is only open for a half day.

The stress of not knowing what we were doing threw me into a complete nesting mode Monday night and I washed pretty much everything. Sheets, clothes, and blankets are washed and put into the changing table or in the crib. We just need to put up the fencing and clean out the paint stuff, then we can arrange the nursery how we want. I have been keeping up with my online pregnancy groups because I can share with them without feeling like I have to go into all of the medical stuff, unless I want to, and it helps distract me from my bubble.

-12 weeks...or is it more like 8 or 9?

Yesterday was my 28 week appointment. The doctor that I saw I thought was just the head guy in the practice, but now that I'm looking at the website, he is the Division Chief of Maternal Fetal Medicine and Vice-Chair of Administrative Affairs. Apparently, he is somebody. I have mixed feelings about him. This is also the same guy who kept me in the hospital on my anniversary and refused to even check my counts.

During the appointment, I was mostly okay with him. The only thing that really stuck out in my mind as a, "Hmm, not sure about him," sign was that he measured my fundal height, poked Baby J, and asked about my next growth scan. Does that mean my measurements are off? Because since we started the dex 3 weeks ago and I've been on it continuously, I've lost 5 pounds. So far with this pregnancy, I'd only gained 11. I realize the baby is going to take what it needs first, but please don't look at my stomach like something is wrong with it, then ask me about a growth scan. It worries me.

We also talked about our delivery plan. He wouldn't discuss the possibility of me going into labor on my own. He said he would probably look at 36-37 weeks in conjunction with trying to get my platelets at a safe level so I could deliver. We still have to talk with anesthesiology, but the doctor said from OB's end, they would want to put an epidural line in, just in case a Cesarean is needed. I didn't realize that it works just like an IV, where it is a catheter and they don't have to administer the meds unless I want them. He seemed to think it would be a long labor, and I thought, "Well duh, if the baby's not ready to come at that time, it's going to take longer." I don't want him delivering my baby though. There are several other doctors in the practice I've seen and would be 100% fine with delivering me. Hopefully, if they schedule me over the holidays, one of them will be the doctor who drew the short stick for duty that week.

He wants me to monitor my blood pressure at home, because it was high in clinic. He said he could tell I was nervous, and I know it's a combination of things: 1)I hate having my blood pressure taken. From all those years of IVIG and continuous vital monitoring, I have had more bruises and petechaie from blood pressure cuffs than I care to count. 2)I get nervous in their office because I'm excited just to be there and be pregnant. 3)Does he remember that I'm the one who had a major meltdown? 4)I'm on steroids. Everything goes nuts when you're on steroids.

Also, I called and my blood sugar was slightly elevated. Now we have to schedule a 3 hour test. I'm trying to call somewhere down here to have it done, so I don't have to go back to Duke just for a test. The frustrating thing is that I'm sure it's from the Dex. It's a trade off, platelets vs. GD risk...Thankfully my counts were 85k yesterday, so that's a step in the right direction.

Neither here nor there...

Back on a steroid pulse for a few days. I was at 11k on Monday, which isn't single digits, but isn't fabulous. Today I've felt pretty icky. While waiting on Jimmy to get up, I read for a while. A pregnant belly makes a GREAT book rest! Until the baby decides it doesn't like a book sitting on it. It was so funny to watch my book move because the baby was kicking it!

"I don't like to use paint stirrers." -13 weeks (for a few more hours)

This weekend Jimmy and I finally began painting the nursery. I think he's been wanting to do it since our birth class, but we hadn't really had a chance to yet. He sent me out last Friday to pick out the paint, but naturally, I had about 8 different colors that were really all the same color green, and I couldn't pick. I wanted him to have input and at the time it was incredibly important (impending stressful things, not quite ready to post about yet).

On Saturday, we got up and went to Havelock, had lunch, and picked out our paint. We were in WalMart and of course I got a little distracted by baby things. He asked me if I'd looked at cribs there. He acted like he really wanted to get the crib bought that weekend. His grandma had so generously offered to buy us the crib we wanted, originally from Target, but it was out of stock online and in limited stock in stores. I told him no and he asked if there was a specific reason. I said since I'd registered at Target I hadn't really looked at anywhere else, but the brand of the crib was more important than where it was bought. We looked at a few and at first I didn't see what I wanted...then I saw it. Almost the exact same crib as the one in Target, $10 less, and IN STOCK! We were so excited!

Saturday evening, we got everything (except my antique chiffarobe) out of the nursery and arranged it in the sewing/music/guest room. I'm always amazed at what we can get done when we're motivated. For so long I've just been okay with the thought of, "This room is just a mess, and there's not much I can do," but when we got into that spare room and needed to be cleaned out, we were able to do it and it feels so much better. Which has led me to another revelation. We have too much crap. It amazes me all the little things we've thrown out or put in the give away pile. We don't need little trinkets, gadgets, and things, because it seems like that's what we've mostly thrown out, or it's in packages that have never even been opened. It makes me want to have a trash can at my front door and just sort through anything tempted to enter. It's making me feel a lot better about simplifying things for Christmas though!

I was sitting on the couch, finishing up thank you cards (and most are sent out! Just need a few addresses to send out the rest!) and I hear it. A very loud bad word. I knew it. I just don't expect for us to complete a project without something happening. If it doesn't happen, it's just a pleasant surprise! The next thing I know, Jimmy is bringing his drop cloth sheet out the front door and lets me know he has spilled paint on the floor. Oh geeze. I immediately Google, "remove latex paint from carpet." Apparently it will be hard to get up. I ask him how it happened and he says something along the lines of shaking the paint. I asked him why he didn't use a paint stirrer and he says, "I don't like to use paint stirrers." We spend the next 20 minutes or so scrubbing up paint as best we can, and joking about what kind of rugs we'll have to get to cover up the stains. Jimmy thinks a carpet shampooer may help, but I'm doubtful. But I've seen him use paint stirrers since then!

Sunday he began working on the mural. It looks really great so far! We are going to add some fence posts and he wants to do the dogs' heads looking over the fence. It is going to be so beautiful! I'm so excited. I was able to assemble the crib yesterday and just needed Jimmy's help to put in the mattress supporter. We got the changer out of storage--Lauren and Travis had given it to us over a year ago and it had been in the kitchen as a storage piece. When we redid the kitchen, we put into storage and kind of forgot about it being a changer! It helps bring the room together. We can't hardcore organize in there yet, until the mural is finished, but I'm good with that. It's really exciting to see progress!

Baby showers!

On my Welch side of the family, it is well known that Grammy rests before or after doing a big event. It's important for her so she can have the energy to do the things she wants to do. I didn't realize it was a strategy I would be using so soon! After this weekend I've realized I'm going to be using it a lot in the next 3 months.

Late Wednesday night, I ran around like a mad woman getting clothes and things packed for the weekend. Jimmy kept asking what he could do to help and I was glad to be able to give him a few things. It was wonderful to sleep in my own bed that night! Jimmy even woke me up to a backrub when he came to bed.

Thursday morning I left around 10 with Katie in tow. She is a good road trip dog and needed some bonding time after being separated for 5 days. I wanted to get to my mom's with enough time to get refreshed before the racing baby shower! The trip was pretty uneventful, thankfully.

Ginger, my dad's girlfriend, had very generously offered to throw a "Grandpa and Mommy" shower with a racing theme, along with Sheila, one of Dad's coworkers. Everything was so cute! The cake was like a sidewall of a racetrack, with little ducks racing. The diaper cake had black and white ribbon with the ducks in it. There were racing table decorations. It was so nice to meet some of Dad's coworkers who I've heard so much about. The shower was a lot of fun and Jimmy and I are so appreciative of the kind gifts! I'm excited to dress the baby up in a NASCAR Hall of Fame onesie from Grammy and checkered flag socks from Ginger and Sheila on the day of the Daytona 500! Looking at some of the photos on Facebook, I can definitely tell that I had been on steroids--I look sunburnt! Sometimes the 'roids cause a major flush.

Friday I had to get bloodwork done at the lab I used to go to in high school in college. It was kind of funny to be back there. Dr. M had said not to worry about Nplate on Thursday and just get counts on Friday. We knew I wouldn't really need the Nplate and who knows if it's even working anymore. My counts were 341! Take that OB doctors!

After I got back, Mom needed to run several errands. We managed to go to Chuck Wagon for lunch--hooray! Then we had to go to Gastonia to Target, the rental car place, and to Ingles. I also made dinner for Mom when we got back to her house. It wasn't much, literally just putting a turkey loin and Stouffer's spinach souffle in an oven and letting it sit for 45 minutes, but man was I tired! I'm sure it's a cross between the steroids and the start of the third trimester coming up. We went to Nanny's so I could borrow her hand mixer to make the two dips for the shower. She is so happy in her new space, but it is so weird to stay at what has always been her house and she doesn't live there anymore.

The Saturday shower went very well! I really miss everyone from "home" and events like this always make me wish we lived closer. There is my wonderful extended family--aunts, uncles, cousins--and then friends like the Jankowski women. It seems like when Jimmy and I come for a visit, there is never enough time to see everyone. The cake was red velvet with cream cheese icing and I made two dips from Pinterest that I was very excited about. We had Dr. Seuss decorations, based on "One Fish, Two Fish" that were so cute. Jimmy and I received such precious and useful things. We are so grateful for everyone's kindness!

Nanny, Mom, and I went to the mall for a little bit--only 2 stores, and if you know Nanny that is holding back! She had called me earlier wanting to go, and I agreed, knowing Mom and I would be tired, but would enjoy spending time with her. Mom said she could tell that I hit a wall with my tiredness or hungriness, she wasn't sure which. I didn't feel that hungry, but we stopped at a quick Japanese place and I basically devoured my meal--a small one, not one of the huge ones. Mom laughed at me! She said I normally ate much more delicately. I guess this is true. I didn't realize I had eaten so much until my plate was almost empty.

Sunday morning I woke up to a very sweet email from my husband. He told me he was ready for me to be home. We're not away from each other often and after being together most of the week, it was odd to be apart. I got to see my cousin Cindy Sunday morning and it was wonderful to catch up with her in person. I'm really thankful to Facebook because I feel like I've gotten to know her so much better. Love her! Mom fussed at me to not carry things out to the car and pack them. I did manage to get everything packed, with enough room for Katie. Mom was surprised, but Steve Welch is an excellent car packer and taught me well. A few hours later, Katie and I were pulling into the driveway at home. Jimmy and I basically spent the evening sitting next to each other on the loveseat and enjoyed being together. He enjoyed looking at all the sweet baby things. We are looking forward to working in the nursery this weekend!

I forgot to write about what the Wednesday nurse said about my weekend. I made the comment that I had to get out of the hospital because I had friends and family planning to host showers on Thursday evening and Saturday afternoon. That awful woman had the nerve to tell me I should cancel them! I had to pick my chin up off the floor at her rudeness, then told her that we did not put life on hold for my ITP, that as soon as my counts were where they should be I would be good to go. Even though it was busy and I was exhausted by Sunday evening, it was a wonderful weekend. Thanks to Grammy's example, I know how to better conserve myself in the future!

Surprise! It's a hospital stay!

Sunday night I had a nosebleed. I didn't think too much about it because it stopped pretty well and sometimes the change in humidity from the beach to other parts of the state.

We had an early start Monday morning, due to my appointment at 8 with Dr. M. Things went fine during the appointment...the basic ITP questions of, "Are you bleeding when you....?" Quick exam, quick overview of how the pregnancy has gone so far (only 10 pounds gained so far, woohoo!), quick blood draw, then we were off to Lakeview for the OB appointment.

The beginning of my OB appointment was a little disappointing. After not eating, they told me I couldn't do my GD test because I wasn't 26 weeks yet. Apparently if they did it at 25 weeks, 4 days, they would have to redo it when I was 26. Hmph! I saw Dr. S for the second time and we really like her. Fundal height was measuring right on track and baby's heartbeat was doing well. I explained to her that my nesting was definitely coming in as nervousness and questions and she was able to help me with both. The plan is if my platelets are still doing this rollercoaster business, I will come into the hospital a few days early, get treatments to increase my counts, then have an induction. Now, if your platelets are under 100k, it is very difficult to find an anesthesiologist who would be willing to do an epidural. I would really like to go without an epidural anyway. *Soapbox Warning* I'm glad people are reading this because then I don't have to see the faces some of you are making. Honestly, I'm tired of the faces. When I've told a few people about my desire to go without, they make an awful face. Thank God for my Nanny, who birthed 6 kids without and laughed about people making that face--"An epidural? What's that?" So, that's the end of it. If people are going to be negative, I'm just not going to discuss it any further. *Soapbox Over* Dr. S said they could induce me without pitocin, which usually makes contractions significantly more painful and increases risks of complications and cesarean. When I told her I was born in 3 hours as my mom's first child with just her water being broken, she was very encouraged. Of course, at the end of the appointment, my nose started acting up. My ultrasound appointment (for monthly growth scans) was at 12, so Jimmy and I got some breakfast.

During the wait, my nose kept getting worse. I was trying to crochet and it just kept trying to bleed. About 11:30, Dr. M called and told me I was at a 1k and we'd need to start Dex again. I truly didn't expect a 1. Around 11:45, they called us back for ultrasound and I mentioned something to Jimmy about my platelets--he had been asleep in the car. The tech said, "Oh you're the one with the platelets! I need to go get the doctor, they want to talk to you!" Dr. S came in and said with my counts being so low, she wanted to admit me for observation until my counts got higher with the steroids. She also nixed the ultrasound because she didn't want to risk the pressure on the placenta. She told us to go straight over to the hospital and up to L&D.

When you go up to L&D, you do have to check in through the ER. Believe it or not, I was forced to put my crochet hook and child safety scissors back in the car because they were considered weapons in the medical detector. So ridiculous! We waited for about an hour to get put into a room--fastest time EVER. Our birth class instructor came out and told us where we would need to go (a floor I was on the last time) and we joked about trying to get a tour of the L&D ward. Obviously Jimmy and I didn't expect to see her again so soon! We get settled...and wait...and wait...for my dex. I actually didn't have to get a line put in, which shocked me. I kept waiting for them to change their mind. I was pretty put out that it took 5 hours from the time we got there for them to give me the first dose of dex. Jimmy went out during that time to get us some lunch since we hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast. Doctors were in and out that night, but nothing remarkable. They did a non-stress fetal test, hooking me and baby up to a heart rate monitor, and the baby hated it! They were kicking away at the monitors, but oh, listening to that tiny heart beat for like 30 minutes was just amazing and makes me teary now to think about. The doctors said Wednesday morning it was one of the best NSF tests they had seen for a 25 week fetus! I got about 5 hours of sleep that night...it always seems like you're waiting on someone else to walk into the room and you just KNOW when you get to sleep, they're going to come in.

Tuesday was Jimmy and mine's 3rd anniversary. Hospital visits on his birthday, our anniversary...I'm half convinced the kid will wait until my birthday to be born. Or a holiday. During the day Tuesday, several doctors were in and out. Dr. M had formulated a new plan since our old one had been failing us. We would do two days of 40 mg dex, one day of 20, one day of 12, then a dose of 2-4 mg/day for the forseeable future. Long term steroid use was on my list of things I didn't want, but if it's going to be the best for me and the baby in the long run, so be it. These rollercoasters are not safe. An ultrasound technician came into the room and did our ultrasound. My heart rate had been increased while doing the morning NSF test and they continued to monitor it during the ultrasound. While they were doing the ultrasound, my heart rate dropped into the 80s, which was great. The baby weighs about 2 pounds and has long toes! The best quote all week came from the ultrasound tech, "I'm not gonna make you take your socks off to see who, but one of you has really long toes." They may have come from Jimmy's dad.

Labs came back sometime that morning and they were a disappointing 3k. The OB team said they wanted me to be at 25k before I left. I asked my nurse to ask them if they would do another blood draw during evening labs, because I really just wanted to leave (because there was nothing they were doing for me that I wouldn't be doing at home) and thought I could be at 25k 24 hours after a dose of dex. Jimmy went out to get our special dinner from our favorite Durham restaurant because we knew it would be late if we were able to leave anyway. While he was out, the OB team sent in a resident to let me know they would not be doing a blood draw. I have never been more infuriated. To not even check my platelets--I wasn't asking to go home if they weren't 25k, I understood that, but to NOT EVEN CHECK?!?! When I asked why, the resident brings up a few reasons: 1) they don't want to cause more trauma to my arms, 2) they don't want to take more platelets out of my body that could be working inside of it (total crap because I wasn't having symptoms anymore), and 3) it was my anniversary, apparently I was on pelvic rest (which no one had told me so far), and they didn't trust me to not follow it. I completely lost it and told them they were being unreasonable to not even check, and no one had mentioned pelvic rest, did they really think I was going to put myself at more risk? The resident kind of got an attitude and said I could talk with the attending, but I knew it wouldn't make a difference. I called Jimmy and let him know. I also emailed Dr. M after I had calmed down. I am sure that resident will think twice before leaving her people skills outside a room when dealing with a pregnant patient on dex.

Wednesday morning, I got a little more sleep, but as soon as I woke up, I was chasing down the lab people. I'd been told they drew labs at 4:30, so when it was 6:15 I became paranoid I'd missed them. Thankfully, they came in just a bit later and I hadn't. The kindest OB resident came in a little while later. She said, "I've heard it's your anniversary today and we really want to get you out of here." I told her that that it was actually the day before, and no one seemed very encouraging about it Tuesday night. When I told her what the other resident had said, she had the good grace to look surprised and tell me she wasn't sure why the other resident had said that, because that had not figured into the discussions (apparently all these people are talking about me behind my back). She did the courtesy of letting me know Wednesdays were conference days and it would be later in the morning when OB did rounds. However, this resident did call me and let me know when my counts came in, even though they weren't ready for rounds yet. Counts were 55k! Hooray for going home!

Oh wait. The maternal fetal medicine doctor came in and let me know they were concerned about my heart rate being high and my shortness of breath. They thought it could be a blood clot in my lung. I told them I felt normal for being on dex, and didn't think there was anything to worry about, and asked if they truly thought there was a threat. They did. I was going to have to get a VQ scan. That involves an EKG, chest x-ray, and the actual scan. Jimmy and I were nervous about the radiation factor, but the doctors thoroughly explained the risks, which were pretty low. Apparently you would have to have like 500 x-rays to cause damage to the baby, and since I am so far along and major organ systems are in place, they didn't feel it was a risk, and the scan would be slightly different for me--less concentrations of the nuclear medicine. The doctors said they would do everything they could to get me out of there by evening. Around midafternoon, we were taken downstairs to have the scans done. Dr. S actually called while we were waiting and apologized for me being in the hospital for so long! I told her I completely understood everyone wanting to be safe and if they truly thought these things were necessary, I would do them. I told her the night before was just a total shock to me. I do really like this doctor and I would love for her to deliver me. When Dr. M found out about the newest development, he was so exasperated! How ridiculous would that be to treat?! We would be pumping me full of things to increase platelet counts then giving me a blood thinner! By 5:30, the scans were done and found to be normal! Also on Wednesday I was able to get my flu shot and a booster from when I'd gotten a pneumococcal vaccine before my splenectomy.

The nurse I had Wednesday left a LOT to be desired. She was so weird! She left me hooked up to the NSF for like an hour. She tried 3 times to get me naked, or in some state of various undress. Then when we were trying to leave, she's trying to be all cutesy with my discharge instructions. I was so ready to escape her by that point.

Around 6:45 we were leaving the hospital and driving to get our fur babies! We didn't get home until almost midnight because we waited on the rain to slack off before packing all of the animals in the car.

Childbirth Classes and the State Fair

I thought it would be better to break this week up into a few posts, because there's just so much! I don't want to get confused.

Saturday and Sunday Jimmy and I had our birthing class in Durham. It feels like forever ago. Our instructor was this sweet nurse who I'd met the first time I was in the hospital. We both really liked her and knew we'd see her again since she's the charge nurse on the Labor and Delivery Floor (we just didn't realize how soon!). Jimmy was so sleepy because our class started at 9 AM, and we didn't get very much sleep the night before. The class was kind of like a crash course in what happens during labor and delivery, relaxation and breathing techniques, cesareans, and pain management. We learned a lot and have a book, handouts, and I made sure to take notes (Thanks Erin!). I know I feel more comfortable with what's going to happen and how to cope and Jimmy learned ways to help me through the process. There was another couple there that was also 25 weeks, but most others were 32 weeks or so.

Saturday we checked into our hotel after the class. Mom generously let us use some of her gazillion points to stay in Durham for the weekend. Jimmy had said something about having some Subway breakfast coupons in his bag but I didn't think much about it. After getting settled, he tosses some papers to me and says, "Here are my coupons." He totally surprised me with Tift Merritt tickets! I had seen where she had a show at the State Fair and we had talked about going, but kind of forgot about it. You can listen to one of my favorite songs by her here, called "Good Hearted Man." The show was Sunday, but we decided to go see the sights of the fair since we weren't sure about how much time we'd have Sunday. Our class on Sunday was 1-5 and the concert was at 7:30. We saw the goats, pigs, and cows, and met up with some people from Jimmy's hometown. I got to hear several Jimmy and Brandon stories, too. Jimmy went into a fun house, but we didn't ride any rides. After only about 4 hours, I was exhausted. As soon as we got settled in the car and on our way, the baby gave this huge kick as if they were angry!

We got back to the hotel and chilled out for a little while. Jimmy researched some dinner options, but we ultimately decided to pull a Steve Welch Expedition. We checked out a few places--of course, one was closed--and we actually parked at another before deciding not to eat there. We wound up at this place called Papa Mojo's Roadhouse. I was skeptical. They were also setting up a band and sometimes the volume of live music really bothers me. We decided to eat there anyway since the menu looked so good. Best decision ever. The food was great and the music was good and not too loud. We stayed until very late and watched the whole show.

Sunday morning, instead of using the Subway coupons, I did some breakfast in the room. You can't do canned biscuits in the microwave. You can try, and they will rise and cook slightly, but not actually bake. They just turn into pale, biscuit shaped rocks. Just a word to the wise.

After class, we ate dinner at Moe's Southwest Grill. Moe's has the greatest soda machine ever. It has like 15 different sodas and then you can customize them with the different syrup flavorings. It was amazing.

When we got to the fair, we came into the gate where the poultry exhibition was. It is ridiculous how much more interesting chickens are at the fair when you actually own some. We probably spent almost half an hour in there and looked at all of them. Then...the concert!

The concert was awesome! Sometimes I don't think musicians sound as good in person as they do on a record, but I'm glad to say Tift Merritt was an exception! She played a good mix of old and new songs. The baby was moving up a storm! Jimmy had asked the day before what we would do if our baby had bad taste in music, because his child wasn't allowed to have bad taste in music. I don't think we have to worry about that immediately! After the concert, we bought a cd and met her. She autographed her CD and was just so sweet and gracious. I'll definitely be watching her tour schedule for any Eastern NC stops! Jimmy was so tickled that he actually managed to surprise me. It must not be as hard as he thinks it is.

-15 weeks...Start panicking.

As I write this, I'm having a slight anxiety attack. A Xanax or glass of wine would be much appreciated, but since those two options are not good ideas right now, I'll just write it out.

There are 15 weeks until this baby comes. And that's if it doesn't come early. 105 days. And in that 105 days, there are 4 major holidays. Including Christmas. In that amount of time, we have to get a nursery ready, a birth plan made, Christmas presents done...It's starting to feel overwhelming. Jimmy just told me to stop thinking about it.

This weekend we have our birthing class and Monday is full of doctor's appointments, including the dreaded glucose challenge. I'm on the fence about it. I'm not too worried because I haven't gained a lot of weight, yet I've definitely been craving and eating more carbs than I did prepregnancy. Almost every day I want something sweet. We went to CiCi's the other day and their dessert options were just incredible to me. I try not to keep a lot of sweet things around the house, but I did break down and make chocolate chip cookies this week. What's frustrating is that there are few clear indicators/risk factors for gestational diabetes. I'm making lists of questions for the doctor, for the birth class, and everything else I feel like has to be done. Hopefully that will help with the anxiety.

This week, so far, counts were good: 423 on Monday, 475 on Tuesday. I go back tomorrow. I'm hoping my numbers will be below 400 so I can get my shot.

-16 Weeks...Well, Crap.

Wednesday I knew my counts were going to be low. My nose was trying to bleed all day. It would get stopped but as soon as I got up and started moving around, it would start again. When I woke up Thursday to go get counts, I had sores on my lip. I am usually a lip biter, but I made a serious attempt Wednesday to not bite it, because I knew I didn't have many platelets.

It was no surprise when they came back 3k yesterday. I called Dr. M and he said to do 3 days of dex, since I was being symptomatic. So I started on it yesterday at lunch. Since my nose was still really acting up, Jimmy and I decided it was better for him to stay home from work. He put me on "bedrest" and would fuss at me if I got up to do more than go to the bathroom. I needed to go grocery shopping and he went and did that for me. He also fixed dinner. By the end of the night, my nose had completely stopped bleeding. I am so thankful he was able to step up and be there for me and give me a chance to heal.

-17 weeks

Last Thursday my counts had gone up to 609! What a shock. Today they were 181. This is great for a couple of reasons:

1. I don't have to go on steroids
2. I was able to get my shot today
3. We stayed at 3.5 mcg
4. We'll be able to see if 3.5 mcg is the correct dosage, without steroid interference.

Baby J is doing all kinds of kicking lately. Today it feels like he's moved a little from his breech position and is kicking below my belly button. I'm hoping this means Jimmy will feel them soon! Baby seems to have a schedule. I'll feel a little kicking in the mid-morning, early afternoon, then later in the evening. One day last week I felt it kicking and pressed my hand against the outside. It kicked against my hand a few times (could only feel from the inside) and I started laughing. I think I scared the baby, because it totally stopped moving for a few minutes!

I finished my first sleepsack and matching hat! It's so cute. I can't wait to make some more, but they'll have to take a back seat to my Secret Stork present for my KTT Mama Friend!

-18 Weeks, post-appointment

We are in for it with this baby. I am already so in love with how stubborn this little one is.

When I lay down for the ultrasound, the technician immediately said, "Oh, the baby is breech. There's plenty of time to turn around, but the way they are laying is going to make it hard to get this picture." She could take lots of pictures of the heart, but the specific one she wanted was hard to get. It took a good hour of her poking and prodding, then me laying on my left side, trying to get Baby J to roll over. Eventually, things turned and she was able to get the picture. Since that was all they needed, we didn't get any pictures, but oh well. I have lots already and will be getting more when they start doing monthly growth scans. Afterward, for about 2 hours, the baby let me know it did NOT appreciate someone poking and prodding them by rolling and kicking. I think I felt more strong movement today than I have the whole time!

Stephen was breech, so he is really enjoying how stubborn his niece/nephew is. I'm hoping the baby turns because I'd really like to go naturally instead of having a cesarean.

I managed to get in a nap this evening when I got home and it was awesome. Dex has been a difficult drug this time around. I'm just hoping the weekend passes quickly.

-18 Weeks...Second most stressful week so far?

The week in the hospital definitely takes the cake for the most stressful week so far. However, I think this week comes in as a close second. If you've asked me how I'm doing, I've probably given the Reader's Digest version of "Fine" or "Good" because I knew once I got started I wouldn't be able to stop.

Monday I called the Jacksonville clinic to try and get my shot early. No response from the doctor there. However, after events on Tuesday, I think this was the secretary's fault. I'm not sure if she transferred me to the wrong extension or what. I go in Tuesday, not my regular day, just to see if they have the medication. She is on the phone on what seems to be a personal call and has me sit down. Even after she gets off the phone, she doesn't acknowledge my presence, but the lab tech saw me when she picked up another patient. She came out and I told her what was going on, we talked to the RN who said she did have the meds, and I got a CBC. My platelets were at 2k on the first run through. There was some value that didn't come up, so she had to run it again. This time, they were 0.

The doctor came out and we discussed options. I told him I felt this rollercoaster was due to the fact that 4 mcg was just too much for me. I skyrocket, then drop wayyy down and have to do dex. He agreed that the dex was just becoming too much. We decided to do 3.5 mcg on Tuesday and I would start coming in Monday and Thursday for lab draws. This way, if I did go too high, I could be monitored more closely than 7 days after that count. I felt like this was reasonable.

I get my dex refilled, make supper, and am hanging out with the dogs. Jimmy had been texting me, asking if I needed him at home. There wasn't really anything he could do for me--I wasn't actively bleeding or anything, and I was taking it easy. About 9, I get a phone call that he needs to go to the hospital and get stitches. Jimmy NEVER goes to the hospital and has NEVER had stitches. I'm thinking the worst. I tell him I'm absolutely not taking him to Onslow and we decide to meet at Carteret General (or whatever it's called). I get there a little before 10 and the nurse triages him. His cut did not LOOK that bad, it was pretty short, but he assured me it was deep. After hours of bad tv, stiff sitting positions, and vending machine snacks, they finally call him back about 1:30 to get looked at. He gets 3 stitches, his finger splinted up and a tetanus shot. We got home around 4 AM. The next day, occupational health at his work tells him he has to go on light duty, which means he has to work day shift until his stitches are removed. Total sleep transition! But he did come home early Wednesday (about 5:30) so he could start at 7 on Thursday.

Jimmy wasn't going to go with me to my appointments today, because his advanced sick leave hasn't been completely approved yet. However, with me coming off Dex, the first day is rough. I didn't feel comfortable making that round trip by myself. Pregnancy brain has kicked in and I really thought my dad was going to be in Raleigh for a conference, then coming to Sunset over the weekend. I was going to ask if he had a double bed room and if I could come up and spend the night with him Thursday. Um...he's in Monroe this week, Raleigh next week, and Sunset next weekend. Oh. So Jimmy decided to go ahead and come with me, then go to Deven's to help him with the floor this weekend. I asked if he was going to really be able to help and he says he thinks it'll be fine. I hope so for Margo's sake! I can empathize with unfinished projects! We spent the night with Jackie, my MIL last night. THEY slept. After 3 days of Dex, I think I may have slept for about 4 hours total. I probably didn't get to sleep until close to 1, and even then I was getting up to pee or move around. I got up around 7:20 and even though I was fine laying down, when I sat up I suddenly had heartburn! Who doesn't have heartburn until they sit up?! It was kind of funny. I've not had a LOT this pregnancy, just occasionally. Thankfully I have an emergency stash of Tums in my purse. Jimmy laughed the first time he saw it, but I'm not the only one who's raided the stash!

So I'm hoping all goes well with my appointments today. I have a blood draw at 11, ultrasound at 11:30, and then the OB appointment at 1. Praying that everything is safe with the baby. I've felt some stronger kicks this week, but s/he kind of slacked off on Wednesday, which of course worried me a bit. At this stage, seeing that ultrasound image is the most reassuring sight I can possibly imagine...especially after this week.

-19 Weeks--the countDOWN is on!

It's a little scary to think that this pregnancy is halfway over! But then again, while some people will say theirs flew by, I don't think mine has so far. It seems like it was a long time ago that we got the two lines on our test. I'm not complaining, and I'm not wishing away this time at all. It just seems different from what a lot of others have experienced.

Nplate update--after last weekend on 3 days of steroids, my counts were 187 on Monday, then 521 on Wednesday. Obviously 4 mcg of Nplate is way too much, but no one listens to me. I think we're going to try to do the shot on Monday before I get so low.

I have, in the past week or two, realized that our life is about to completely change. I doubt Jimmy and I will stop doing certain things, but it will definitely be different with a tiny person in the house. The spontaneous day trips will be different, because we'll have to pack a bag with diapers, bottles, wipes, food, and clothes before we go anywhere. I'm hoping to keep a small bag packed with these items just for spontaneity's sake. It does make me a little sad that one chapter of our life is closing. However, I know the adventure that awaits us is completely worth it!

I'm starting to nest. Jimmy thinks nesting is cleaning, but in my mind, it's getting ready for this baby in any way, shape, or form. I've cleaned out our bedroom and still have a few things to do in there. We have both started in the music room. Mom and I finally set a date for my shower at home, and I'm really excited about the chance to throw a party and try out some recipes for entertaining! We were lucky enough to find the travel system I wanted for $230 cheaper than online, and it's in great shape. The car seat doesn't expire until 2013, so it'll last until Baby J outgrows it.

Also, something I haven't talked about in my blog, is the great support group of other January 2012 Mommies I have met. Through BabyCenter.com, I joined a January 2012 First Time Moms group. Within that group, several of us started posting to "Kill The Thread," posting 1000 posts on a discussion thread until it closes automatically. While I've been skeptical in the past of online friendships, I truly understand them now. These ladies are going through a lot of the same things I am at the same time. It's awesome to have that companionship and support!

-20 Weeks!

Yes, yes, I know I'm behind. Life has been quite hectic.


And yes, if I think it's hectic now, just wait until 20 weeks from now!


So Wednesday when I went to get my shot, I was 25,000. Not surprising to me, because I missed my shot last week. This always happens when I miss a shot. So I get my 4 mcg and the docs want me to come back in for a count on Friday. I go in on Friday, and we are in the dreaded single digits (3,000). I call Dr. M and we decide to do 3 days of Dex. The *badword* doctor I used to see at the Jacksonville clinic was called (the other guy was out taking his state boards or something) and said, "Take your Dex, then we'll go up to 5 next week." Um, I don't think so, because I'm 99% sure my counts will be too high to get the shot on Wednesday. And did you see what happened when I got 4 last time? It made me go too high (without steroids). But it all depends on counts anyway. So we'll see what happens.

How Far Along: 20 weeks, 3 days

Size of Baby: Measurements changed this week, and now instead of crown to rump, it is crown to feet! So 10 inches this week, the size of a banana.

Maternity Clothes: Some pre-pregnancy shirts still fit okay if they were longer to begin with. Pants are exclusively maternity or elastic waisted

Sleep: Getting up at least twice to pee. I know most women pee more in the first trimester, but I'm obviously not most women.

Best Moment of the Week: Baby moves when I'm anxious or upset, which actually helps calm me down.

Movement: Slowly becoming more regular and predictable--usually early afternoon and then later in the evenings.

Symptoms: weird acid reflux--like I don't feel any acid or heartburn, then have a hiccup/burp and suddenly it's there, but just for a moment. My stomach is never the same shape from day to day. My hips have started hurting again at night.

Food Cravings/Aversions: The thought of salad bars gross me out. How can they make sure everything is at a safe temperature? Yuck.

Gender: Earlier I was using feminine pronouns, then a couple of weeks ago had two boy dreams back to back. So now I'm just using it or they. My brother, the creative writing graduate, has assured me "They" is the proper pronoun.

How is Mommy Feeling: Oh crap, will we get everything done in time?

Total Weight Gain: After doing so well for quite a while, I think about 7. Which isn't awful, but I'm still keeping an eye on it. I'll eat when I'm hungry, but I'm trying to be health-conscious.

What I am looking forward to: This probably sounds really weird, but I have such good food ideas for baby showers. And I want Jimmy to feel the baby move!

Spontaneous trip to Myrtle Beach

Monday I woke up and told Jimmy I wanted to go on an adventure. He asked where I wanted to go and I said, "If we go east, we hit the ocean. There's nothing north of us (within drivable distance), and we always go west. Let's go to Myrtle Beach!"

Our friend Chris had stayed over Sunday night and was interested in going with us. We headed out and played I Spy and Twenty Questions in the car. Sadly, we never got any better at Twenty Questions, and none of us was that good to begin with!

Our first stop was at the NASCAR Speedpark. Jimmy and Chris played on go-karts and I watched. I'm not really a fan of go-karts, I don't know why, and with pregnancy I'm not sure I'm supposed to ride them. However, I do get a kick out of watching other people, so it was fun. They had an awesome time.

Then we needed to eat. Jimmy wanted to eat somewhere cliche, and I wanted to try Margaritaville. Cue pregnancy hormones. I told the waiter I'd like a virgin margarita, and he said, "We don't suggest those, because they're just sweet and sour mix. If you have to drink something without alcohol, you might enjoy a daiquiri or pina colada."
#1) You're freaking Margaritaville. How in the world do you not have a decent virgin margarita?
#2) I'm pregnant and I want the flavor of a margarita. I do not want your daiquiri.
#3) I HATE pina colada flavors. Pineapple and coconut are fine separately, but I HATE them together.
I seriously almost cried. And I think that set the mood for the rest of the evening for me. Nothing on the menu sounded good to me. The wing appetizer was good, but when our main dishes came, I thought it was just mediocre. We did get to watch fireworks during our meal though.

We got home about 12:30, tired and happy. It was a really fun mini road trip, and we definitely want to go back and go to Medieval Times at some point this winter. Any takers? I promise not to cry over beverages.

-21 Weeks...Almost Halfway!

19 Weeks on Thursday! Next week, we'll be even, then it's a countdown.

Jimmy and I are having a kid. Wow.

Someone please tell me that after this realization, I will suddenly begin nesting. It can hit any time! I'm ready! I've been so sleepy lately. Not just tired, but sleepy. Today we were going to start cleaning out Jimmy's music room, but he is having a gout attack. He's in a lot of pain and there's not a lot that can be done. I gave him some Aleve and he went back to sleep. We may try some compresses later and he has cherries to eat. Believe it or not, eating cherries really makes a difference for him. If he feels an attack coming on, he can eat a lot of cherries and it goes away. This is maybe the second full-blown attack he's had since first diagnosed. I hate it for him.

This week when I got my counts done on Wednesday in anticipation of my shot, they were too high for the shot--621,000. This is neither bad nor good. I checked again Friday, to make sure I hadn't dropped suddenly, which is a risk on the Nplate, and they were 604. Hopefully, they'll stay in a safe range between now and Wednesday, my next shot!

Last week we did have appointments with OB and ultrasound. I wasn't too impressed with this OB, because I don't think she read my file before she came in. She asked why I wasn't on a continual low dosage of steroids and I had to explain the Nplate thing to her. She also dismissed my concerns about the risk of gestational diabetes being higher on corticosteroids. Hello! I already have some risk factors for GD and I don't want to increase that risk!

The ultrasound did go much better than the OB visit. Everything looks healthy and normal, and Baby J measures large for gestational age. I'm not surprised, because s/he has always measured a few days early, even at 8 weeks. They didn't change my due date then, but whatever. Babies come when they are ready. I have to say though, I'm not impressed with the pictures we got, but it's always amazing to see that little person. Baby J did not cooperate with all of the heart measurements, so when I go back I have another ultrasound. There's no reason to think anything is wrong, S/he was just VERY comfortable where they were and didn't want to move. I lay on one side, used the bathroom, touched my toes, danced around, and the little booger still wouldn't flip around. I'm hoping we get the tech who did my 12 week ultrasound, because she took really good pictures and was so sweet.

I would put money on this kid coming January 24th, though. Nanny's first reaction when she heard my due date was, "Well it'll come on my birthday." Stephen also said, "This kid will be born exactly 9 months from me." Or the 25th would be good, too, it would be exactly 10 months from Andy's birthday! But when Nanny lays it on you, she's usually right.

First Real Hurricane at the Coast

Irene was the first real hurricane I've experienced living at the coast. We've had a tropical storm almost every year I've lived down here, but not a real hurricane. As I mentioned in my last post, we planed to stay with Jackie for the weekend after our appointments on Friday. She actually got a lot of wind damage--4 trees downed and a lot of limbs and tree debris in the yard. We came home Sunday to see what was going on. I had seen on Facebook that several Swansboro people had power, so I wasn't too worried about not having power.

I was so wrong.

A lot of people have power through Jones-Onslow Electric Corporation. We do not. I had a fit over this when we hooked up our electricity, because Progress-Energy wanted to charge me $250 for hookup--no matter that I had power before through other companies, that they were willing to do a letter of credit, nothing. It would have been free through JOEC. When we got home, the worst damage was a chunk of siding from the back of the house. However, we were without power. We decided to go to Lowes and pick up flashlights and charcoal and grill out. When we got back, I read on Facebook that people I knew on both the Swansboro and Belgrade ends of our road were projected to be without power until THURSDAY. When I told Jimmy, he said, "Pregnant women shouldn't be without power. You've been wanting to go see your family, go do that until the power's back on. I'll go stay with Chris." We wound up spending Sunday night in a hotel and packed up Monday to go our separate ways.

What ensued over the next 48 hours was the quickest trip back to visit family EVER. I left at 12 Monday and was back here by 3 on Wednesday. We did get power back on Tuesday and I had to get my Nplate shot on Wednesday. If we didn't have power, I would have begged Dr. M to let me just get my shot at Duke instead of going all the way home. But when we had power, there wasn't any reason to do a 6 hour round trip to Duke in the middle of the week, then drive right back home Friday. My next visit will be much better planned! But it was good because I got to spend time with both parents and Stephen and Patrick. Stephen suggested this really great vegan restaurant for lunch on Tuesday (we were in Charlotte because Nanny and Mom closed on the house) and the food was so good. The restaurant also focused on raw foods, so it was a perfect meal for sitting outside on a summer day...not too heavy and not hot.

-22 Weeks

It amazes me to think when I started this I was in the -30some weeks...and in 2 weeks, I'll be halfway finished with pregnancy.

This was a good week. I had counts on Monday, after stopping Dex on Saturday and they were 266. I was relieved they weren't sky-high, because it meant we would have a more accurate window on Wednesday of what my Nplate dosage shold be. Wednesday when I went in for the shot, my counts were 206. Usually after a Dex pulse I totally bottom out and get symptomatic. To me, this means that 4 mcg/kg of Nplate is working, for right now. Does that mean it's going to be the magic dosage for the rest of the pregnancy? Absolutely not. Could there be more bumps in the road? Possibly. I've dealt with this for too long to take anything for granted and just because they get me "fixed" for the time being doesn't mean it's lasting or permanent. 4 days of Dex when you're pregnant is not fun! My sweet husband was amazing, and I really appreciate him taking such good care of me.

Tomorrow we go in for hematology, OB and anatomy scan appointments! I am so excited to see the baby again! The anatomy scan will look for any physical abnormalities and make sure growth is on track. Yes, we could find out the gender, but we're not. At least, not on purpose. Now, before anyone wants to criticize, #1) go have your own baby, and #2) with everything else that is not traditional with this pregnancy, I'd like to have something that is.

Because of our appointments and a pig pickin' in Red Oak, we had planned to be out of town this weekend anyway. Hurricane Irene is freaking me out a little bit, but I think it's partly due to some nesting. I tried to windproof the backyard as much as possible this afternoon and we're taking all of the stuff off our porches. The chickens have access to 2 different shelters. I'm nervous to leave, but I know there's nothing I could do here to prevent any damage. We might as well be safe and enjoy ourselves!

Almost -23 Weeks

I have a LOT going through my mind tonight, so please bear with me.

Today was the first day of teacher workdays and for the first time since I was 5, I'm not getting ready for school to begin. It has been so weird to think about many of my friends and former colleagues going back to work and me not being there. Jimmy and I decided a long time ago, before we were even ready to have children, that one of us would stay home with our children, until they were at least school age. Because he makes more money than I do, that person is me. At the end of last school year, after much prayer and thought, I decided to not begin this school year. Barely 1 month after that, we found out we were pregnant. It wouldn't be fair for my students to have to deal with a teacher who may be constantly in and out, the parents I have to do IEP meetings with, the team who would have to help me rearrange, my baby who needs me to provide a safe, low-stress environment, or me, who would be the mad ringleader in that circus. From my history, we know stress can aggravate my ITP.

Hand in hand with that, after the other week in the hospital, I know we made the right decision. I truly cannot imagine dealing with the stress of work and the stress of ITP and pregnancy combined. Today I went in for bloodwork and my shot and my platelets were very low again. I am taking a few days of decadron, and getting counts again on Friday. Again, I'm more worried about the baby than myself. I'm a little nervous because I haven't felt her move much over the past day or so, but I know women further along than I am haven't even felt movement yet. The other night, Baby J was moving around quite a bit when I was singing Elton John, so I guess I'll try that again tonight!

-24 Weeks and Doctors Visits

Today Jimmy and I went to hematologist and OB appointments. Everything looks fine now with bloodwork, but as always, it can change quickly. As long as I'm not symptomatic, I'm not stressing. Dr. M did give me an emergency dose of decadron to tide me over for any emergencies. We are definitely going to have to increase the NPlate, but that is actually common with some other medications during pregnancy, due to the increased blood volume. Dr. M is usually the man with a plan and I'm relieved that he has one now. We had a great lunch at Sushi Love in Durham. Then we actually got called back on time for my OB appointment! Hooray for small miracles! We really liked the doctor I saw. Everything looks good for the 1st trimester screening, <1 in 10,000 chance for Downs, and they did bloodwork to do testing for spina bifida. The baby started to be stubborn with letting us listen to it's heartbeat, but then relented. I love to see the look on Jimmy's face when they find it! I go back in two weeks for the anatomy scan and my next appointment.

How far along: 16 weeks, 1 day

Size of baby: An avocado, about 4.5 inches long and 3.5 ounces.

Maternity clothes? None of my regular pants can fit anymore. At about 10 weeks was when I had to switch to elastic waists and my "fat" pants exclusively. My hips got wide first, then last week I "popped"

Sleep? Same as last week. I wake up to pee about 2 hours before I have to get up and it always takes a long time to get back to sleep. Prednisone has made me very sleepy this week!

Best moment of the week: Feeling so much movement! And Jimmy telling me it looks like I've lost weight.

Movement: Mornings or evenings, when/if I'm sitting slightly scrunched over. Still not every day, but most days.

Symptoms: This week has been hard to distinguish between steroid side effects and pregnancy symptoms. I am really tired and constantly hungry.

Food cravings/aversions: Nothing really.

Gender: Still not finding out in 2 weeks at our anatomy scan! But I feel like it's a girl, just because when I refer to the baby without thinking I use feminine pronouns.

How is Mommy Feeling? Excited, just really thrilled to be pregnant.

Total weight gain? I haven't really gotten out of the range I started in, it just depends on when I weigh myself. If it's after a meal, it's about 2 pounds. If it's first thing in the morning, none.

What I am looking forward to: Still wanting to get things ready in the house for the baby's room.

-25 Weeks, the basics

How Far Along: 15 weeks, 1 day

Size of Baby: Length-a little over 4 inches; Weight- about 2.5 ounces. Think of an apple.

Movement: Little One has really started moving more frequently! I feel movement if I'm kind of slouching and/or my stomach is scrunched up. It is either in the morning or in the evenings, and I think all the medicines they've had me on have caused him/her to move more.

Cravings: Nothing this week.

Food Aversions: I still don't want scrambled eggs.

What I Miss: Nothing really yet.

Sleep: Everything's good until I wake up to pee. It seems like when I do that, I have trouble getting back to sleep.

Symptoms: off and on heartburn--it'll last for a few minutes, then go away on its own. I'm not as tired, but the symptoms of the medicines have caused me to be tired. I've also started nesting and just wanted to get things done and organized--even in the hospital! Oh, and I think I'm "popping"! The top of my stomach and sides are becoming firmer and rounder.

Best Moment This Week: Feeling the baby move so much this week AND hearing the heartbeat with Jimmy on Tuesday!

What I'm Looking Forward To: Getting our spare bedrooms organized and one cleaned out to create the nursery!

-25 weeks, part 3

Jimmy and I had to go get a tire replaced and while waiting on the car, had dinner with Mary Ellen. She told us that she and Grandma were insisting that we get a hotel room in Durham instead of driving to Rocky Mount that night. Jimmy and I were so thankful. We were able to run a few errands--prescriptions, new clothes--and then just go to the room and crash. It was wonderful to not have to drive an hour and a half both ways. Thursday morning, we got breakfast at the hotel then headed over to the clinic. It was a pretty normal clinic day, just a 2 hour infusion of IVIG. I managed to sleep again, but my poor husband did not.

My mom was coming up to see us and stay a few days with us at home. I was so relieved. I'm not really sure why, because I've had IVIG and steroids before and not had her here, but I guess that would be the first time I've stayed in the hospital and she's not been there with me. She met us at Southpoint and we had lunch at Cheesecake Factory. She and I drove home together and stopped at the outlets in Smithfield, where she bought me some very wonderful maternity things. Jimmy went by his mom's and picked up our sweet fur babies, who really didn't miss us very much at all. We all finally reconvened at the house about 6:30. I am so thankful to be at home!

-25 Weeks, part 2

Jimmy and I got settled into our room, and left alone about 2:20. Because of all the drama, it was about 3 before I finally went to sleep. Jimmy was up a little later and when people tried to come in and check on me or take my blood, he would tell them I was sleeping. Unfortunately, that is no reason for people to leave you alone in the hospital! They drew blood about 5:30 and I don't know if I went to sleep between then and OB rounds. The OB attending doctor came in and checked me out, basically saying it was just a waiting game to infuse medicine and get my platelets up. The IVIG finally got started about 10. Jimmy went to run some errands and move the car, and Erin came to visit! With sweet Anouk! It was so wonderful to get to see them! Aunt Mary Ellen, Jimmy's aunt, came to visit as well. I did get to tell her I was worried about Wednesday being Jimmy's birthday and him being stuck in the hospital with me. She said she would talk to Jackie and try to work something out for dinner. We finally found out my counts that had been taken that morning and they were only 11. So disappointing. I did get permission to walk around, because sitting/laying in the hospital bed made me SO SORE! When I did lay down to sleep, my back hurt so much I couldn't rest. For evening rounds, the hematology group came to visit. I really really like the hematologist we worked with in the ER and was pleased to see her again. Jimmy and I thought I would be getting IVIG constantly, since that's the way it's done in the day hospital, but they were splitting the dosage over a few days. I thought I would have another at midnight, but they said it was postponed until the next day.

Around 7:15 that evening, the nurse told us we were going to be moving floors, to a floor that had OB patients, not just a hodge podge. It took about 2 hours, but they finally moved us. We had also been waiting all day on someone to come do "fetal heart tones," so the nurses on the new floor tried to get the baby's heartbeat on doppler before calling someone up from Labor and Delivery to do it. The first nurse spent a long time trying, but called in her partner when she couldn't find it. Sure enough, the second nurse was able to find the heartbeat on doppler! The heartrate was averaging about 160! It was so exciting and special to hear. Afterwards, we went to get Jimmy something for dinner and on the way back, he looks at me and says so excitedly, "We're going to have a kid!" I never get tired of hearing him say that or seeing how excited he is.

That night, I managed to sleep about 5 hours! Woohoo! I did wake up for rounds with the OB doctor, meet my new nurse, and get counts done. The nurse also works L&D and I've decided I must have her when I deliver. She was AMAZING. When she came in with my meds, I was getting some clothes together. She asked if I needed anything and I sheepishly said, "Well, I wanted to wash my hair before we got started. It's feeling gross." She immediately grabbed a latex glove, put it on me, and taped it over my IV so I could wash. She also ran my decadron through an IV pump instead of pushing it through and said if I felt the slightest bit of discomfort to call her. I think I thanked her like 20 times. Afterward, we did the IVIG and I slept for 2 hours. It was wonderful. When we were done, I asked her about counts and she went to check. When she came back in, she asked for a drumroll....."198,000!" WONDERFUL NEWS.

The hematologist came in to see us about 30 minutes later right after lunch was delivered. She asked if I liked hospital food. I told her it was okay, that Duke was better than some. She asked if I preferred home cooking and I said especially if I could cook. She laughed and asked if there were any restaurants around I'd rather go to than eat hospital food, because they were discharging me. What a change from keeping me for 5 days! She said we would need to come back in Thursday for IVIG in the outpatient clinic. We told her that was so much better than sleeping in a hospital again! I began packing immediately because as soon as they say, "You can go," you want to run, not walk, away. I had to have counts drawn again before I left and naturally it took forever to find a vein. My nurse had to call in her charge nurse to find a vein. As soon as they drew that blood, we were free to go!

-25 weeks, lengthy post ahead

What a week this has been.

Monday I had to get counts repeated because they were 30 last Thursday. The OB nurse calls me about 3:30 and says, "Your counts were 9." I basically went into shock. I was not having symptoms, much less any dangerous pregnancy symptoms of cramping and bleeding. We talked for a few minutes, then she said she was going to consult Dr. Livingston (who I actually saw my last visit) and call me back. About 5 minutes later Dr. Livingston herself calls me back and tells me she's spoken with Dr. M's fill-in (he was on vacation) and they want me to come to the ER at Duke to be admitted. It took 45 minutes to get in touch with Jimmy. After about 20, I called my mother and cried hysterically. She calmed me down, and I tried Jimmy again. This time I got his 2nd level supervisor, who immediately got ahold of my husband and sent him on his way. During this time, I'm trying to pack a bag, wondering how long we'll be up there, and do a load of laundry, as well as text people what's going on. Jimmy calls me from about 2 miles away and says to fix him a cup of water and meet him in the driveway. I tell him I am still trying to pack and will need his help. He gets home, and he gets in touch with his mother to ask if she can meet us in Goldsboro to get the dogs. We finally get in the car and drive to Duke, stopping in Goldsboro to meet Jackie and Jen with the pets.

We get to Duke about 9 and there were several people complaining loudly about how long they'd been there. My first thought was, "We are going to be triaged to the bottom of the pile," and I tried to tell everyone we came into contact with that Dr. L had told them to expect me. About 45 minutes after checking in, we were called back. They put in an IV and did counts. Then began the parade of doctors: 1 4th year med student, 1 resident, 1 hematologist, Dr. Livingston, and 2 OB residents. Everyone except the hematologist was amazed at how I can have so few platelets and not be bleeding everywhere. I told everyone I was fine, but worried about the baby. I wasn't having any danger signs, but it was the first thing on my mind. The hematologist looked for a portable ultrasound but couldn't find it. The OB ladies tried checking with a doppler, but couldn't find a heartbeat, so they hijacked a portable ultrasound. I have never felt so relieved in my entire life. On the screen was a strong heartbeat inside of our tiny baby. We asked the hematologist what the plan was, and she said I would probably be there for 5 days getting IVIG and Decadron. I asked her if there was any way we could do it outpatient and she apologized, because of my counts being so low with the baby, I needed to stay in the hospital. I assured her I was willing to do whatever was needed to keep the baby safe and that I understood it was different from just me having low platelets. While in the ER, they gave me a shot of decadron through IV, which burns down your spine into your pelvic region. It was the most painful part of the entire hospital visit! I told her it was burning really badly. Thank goodness she stopped pushing it, mixed it with saline, and pushed it much more slowly. Jimmy said it was a good thing the nurse was a woman or else he would have had to get ugly. They finally moved us up to a room about 1.